One Hit Wonder Greatest Hits Album

There are plenty of musicians out there that have one hit wonder songs. A one hit wonder, for those who do not know, is a song that is a hit, but it's the only hit song that the musician ever puts out. Many groups have had this happen, probably the most notable one hit wonder is "Take On Me" by Ah-Ha, from the 1980's. There is even a list of the top 100 One Hit Wonders:


Top 20 One Hit Wonders


Where am I going with all of this? Well, I'm in Best Buy the other day and I see SilverChair's Greatest Hits album. SilverChair???? They had one hit song, ONE!! Not only that, but they called the greatest hits album "Silverchair: The Best Of, Volume 1". HUH???? Is this supposed to imply that there is more to come? I sure as hell hope not.

Another one is Wilson Phillips. In 1990,Wilson Phillips released a self titled album with four top 10 hits on it. They released another album 2 years later that flopped, a pile of crap called "Shadows & Light", after which the band unceremoniously broke up. Obviously the record companies involved with Wilson Phillips must think pretty highly of them, because they have THREE GREATEST HITS ALBUMS, yep, count 'em, three!!

I actually owned a single cassette of "Hold On", arguably their best song, but even as a fan (yah, I liked them, so what, shut up) I have to admit they didn't have near enough material for one greatest hits album, much less THREE. I doubt though that they had much say in it, after all, they were broke up. Something tells me that for them, and even bands like SilverChair, a crappy band still trying to put out music, that the record label puts the greatest hits albums out whether they like it or not.

ALL HAIL THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR, and those consumers stupid enough to buy albums such as these.

Tipping The Scales With Special K!!

Isn’t it interesting when you see a commercial for a low fat product, advertising itself as a great way to lose weight? The person you see eating the product in question is always in shape, if it’s a man he is tone and muscular, if it’s a women she is thin and lean. They live in an immaculate white house with white carpeting, a white kitchen… every freaking thing is white. It would be much better if advertising was more realistic.

The commercial for Kellogg’s Special K starts, and should show a person of normal size, eating about half the box of cereal out of a large bowl, with about half a cup of sugar sprinkled in, that would be a lot more realistic. Or a Bow Flex commercial with a person who is a bit on the obese side, using the exercise equipment twice, at most three times, then showing it sit in the corner or down in the basement collecting dust… now THAT is reality.

I tend to think about food commercials though, and how you don’t see a 350 pound man happily buying a Big Mac, large fries, and Diet Coke at McDonalds in any commercial, even though this is a common scenario in real life. This brings me to the diet soda situation, that being: Why on earth do people even buy a diet soda when ordering a value meal at a fast food restaurant? Do they think the diet pop is really going to give them the edge in the war against girth? Not really, when you lost this battle of the bulge the moment you walked in the fast food doorway.

I suppose realism in advertising would create a substantial loss in appeal, even among those who are overweight, who would probably think twice about eating at a fast food joint if the people in the commercial were grossly overweight. Same goes for low fat food, where seeing a fat person eating large quantities of the low fat food would lead a person to wonder what the point of buying the food would be… “If I buy that I’ll probably do the same damn thing, screw that!!�

No one will ever use reality in advertising because reality does not appeal to the common consumer. But it would be pretty funny sometimes to see a little more reality.

Some Jobs Stink, Others Are Worse Than That

I did telemarketing for about a year once. No, that doesn't mean I was the "MORONIC FOOL" that called you during dinner or while Survivor was on television, I did inbound, not outbound. For the better part of 1997 I worked for West Teleservices here in Omaha, Nebraska. I started the job as a quick fix to get some money, and yah, stayed longer than I should have.

I don't really recall what I was making an hour when I started working there, it was decent pay to a kid fresh out of college, a college in a town where you couldn't make more than 6 dollars an hour doing anything. I had just moved to Omaha, and I was going to do the whole telemarketing thing for a couple months. I didn't know what to expect, I figured everyone that you would talk to would be pissy and irritable. That's hardly the case at all. With inbound, people are calling you, and they are in most cases ordering something they saw on television, in a magazine, heard on the radio, etc. West handled everything from The Eurosealer to Valtrex medicine for herpes. If nothing else, it was an interesting job.

I met a truly wide variety of people there. I use the word variety as a friendly term, because I imagine freaks could just as easily describe a lot of them. Take PAHA for instance. PAHA was really strange, for really only one reason. He was an older guy, probably around 55, and he liked to talk a lot. No big deal, right? Well, until you walk into the bathroom and see him standing in front of the urinal with his pants around his ankles, hence the name, P.A.H.A. Yes, that's right, he would stand there bare assed in front of the urinal, taking a leak. Nothing like a good reason to leave and come back later, especially because he would still talk to you while you are trying to take a leak, it was a little unnerving to be quite truthful.

There were gay guys, lesbian women, there was even a guy that always smelled horribly like cat urine. My friend Alfonzo and I would hint at that guy, trying somehow to let him know how bad he stunk. We would ask "Do you own a cat" or "How many cats do you own" and so forth, but the guy would say he didn't own a cat, which was perplexing. Finally one day Alfonzo flat out told the guy that he smelled really bad, because it got to the point where you would smell the guy coming before you even saw him.

Alfonzo is one of my best friends to this day. He might be black, but you would swear that he and I are brothers, perhaps in another life or something. We had a lot of fun at West, he was one of the reasons, well, about the only reason I look back fondly on that job. Later on he took another position on the 'floor' while I got promoted twice, the second promotion ended up with the one and only time I ever got fired in my life, after ONE WEEK on the job.

I got fired for 'being belligerent on the telephone' to a senior West Teleservices vice president, which was odd, because I was never on the phones that day. My direct supervisor knew this but she never supported me a bit. I didn't like her anyway, she and I just didn't click, I could see that from day one. So I didn't let it bother me too much. It hurt to be fired, but in that situation, when it was under less than truthful circumstances on their part, I wasn't bothered all that much by it.

Rather Annoyed Tonite

I love Nebraska football, I always have. Guess that stems from Nebraska being number one in the country the day I was born, and that Nebraska has won 5 national titles since 1971 and more in the last 10 years than any other school (3).

But tonite I'm really irritated with Nebraska football, our athletic director, the boosters, and a lot of our fans. Nebraska Coach Frank Solich was fired tonite, on the verge of a possible 10 win season (with a win in an upcoming bowl game). I can't believe the insanity of all this. All I can hope is that there is something I don't know that is going on. He's the sixth winningest active coach in the NCAA right now, and his record is basically identical to what Tom Osbornes was at the same point in both of their careers.

I have this impending sense of dread and doom about all of this, about several seasons of chaos and mediocrity, and the true end to any chance for Nebraska to ever return to dominance, something they did for more than 30 years until last year's 7-7 season. Going 9-3 thus far, and a chance at 10-3 in the bowl game this year, should have been enough to save this man's job. But the unreal expectations of a few outweighed the opinions of the many in this case. I am afraid of what is going to happen during the next few seasons for my beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers.

All Around The Turkey Breast Is Turkey (With Bits Of Wing, Thigh, Neck, Etc.)

I went to the store tonite, to purchase an extra pie shell, seems the pie my significant other was making had a LOT of filling to it. So while there, I decided to purchase a turkey breast, because I wasn't sure yet what we were doing for Thanksgiving dinner.

Now, I have never bought a turkey before, so as I walked down the Turkey Section (I will call it that, because for this time of year, the turkey has seemingly it's own section, the GobbleGobble Group, right next door to the ham, in the Porker Portion. I gave these sections there own names, because, well, they didn't have names yet). I realized as I looked around at the other bewildered men, all staring at the hundreds of types of turkeys, that I didn't know shit about fowl, and neither did they. I have never seen a more satisfied look on a meat worker's face than the guy going around to and from, person to person, explaining what was what to anyone who needed help. Never has one man donned in a bloody apron had so much power over so many at one time.

I found what I figured was the right thing, it did SAY turkey breast, and I brought it home. Of course, I get in the door and get it out and the laughing starts. I'm not sure if I did anything wrong, but the package stated something around the order of "Turkey Breast, including bits of thigh, chunks of wing, scraps of neck, etc." as though it was some Frankensteinish freak bird or something. I think I did pretty good myself, I bought the Turkey Breast PLUS version of turkey, I mean, who wants to settle for just the breast when you have all the makings for turkey nuggets too? Well, I suppose you need the turkey lips and buttcheeks for the nuggets, and I don't know if those are attached to the breast, probably not. Do turkeys even have buttcheeks? How do they sit down?

As you can see, my general lack of knowledge about turkeys doesn't stop with just the breast. God help me if I ever went on a date with a turkey. I would need a road map to get to first base. Wait, I have dated some turkeys. Well, figuratively speaking, that is*spits feathers out of mouth*. I think I'm going to just stick to the mashed potatos and stuffing tomorrow, that turkey business is downright confusing.

Jim Rome, Ignoramus

I drive around quite a bit at work, as most of you know. I enjoy listening to music mostly, but I need variety to avoid getting bored out of my mind, and so I listen to quite a bit of sport's radio. We get two stations in Omaha, ESPN 1620 AM and Fox 1490 AM. In the morning the listening is pretty good, 1620 has Mike and Mike in the Morning, one Mike is Mike Golic, an emmy winning ex NFL player, and they are witty and pretty knowledgeable about sports. I'm not sure who Fox has on as their morning guy, but he's not too bad either. Both programs are nationally syndicated, as are most of the programs on both stations during the day. Unfortunately, on 1490, at noon each weekday, they put the Jim Rome show on for 3 hours.

If you have never heard of Jim Rome, you are fortunate. For those of us who have heard of him, he is the epitome of ignorance and pessimistic review, he bashes everyone, yet the closest he ever got to playing sports was licking the sweat off Bill Walton's jock strap, I don't think Rome ever even played college sports, much less any pro sport of any kind. He is a complete pompous ass and a disgrace to the sport's media profession. He has his own special name for the brain dead tards that actually follow his show and write in and call him, he calls them 'Clones'.

His interviews are absolutely atrocious. Rome can spend a week bashing a guy, then he'll have the guy on his show on the following Monday, and he's got the knee pad's on doing a Monica Lewinsky on his guest, as though his guest is the greatest guy he's EVER had on. I suppose he is like this because of his history...

Years ago on ESPN2, probably the funniest thing I have ever seen in sports, or at least in the top 10, occurred in 1994. ESPN2 was a relatively new channel, a 'spin-off' if you will, from ESPN. A show called Talk2 had started the year before, and was hosted by Jim Rome, who was relatively unknown at the time. Basically, all that Rome was known for was his insulting comments towards people. Jim Everett was an NFL quarterback at the time, playing for the New Orlean Saints. Unfortunately for Everett, he had gotten several concussions and was seriously considering retiring.

Jim Rome, being the ass monkey that he is, spent about 2 years calling Everett "Chris Everett", trying to compare Everett to the tennis player, saying he was not a real man at all. So then came the day when Jim Everett was a guest on Talk2:

http://home.swbell.net/jdougs/everett.mpeg

(I am not linking it, some people can't get it to work that way, copy paste this into your address bar on your browser.)

If you can't see it, basically Everett tells Rome not to call him Chris again, and of course, Rome, being a childish idiot, calls him Chris. Everett tosses the table that separated them and smacks Rome around and then right off the stage, it's really the crowning moment for Jim Rome in his broadcast career, and almost immediately afterwards he was fired from ESPN. Rome should have invited Chris Everett on the show too, so she could kick his ass for being a chauvanistic pig.

Unfortunately, this was not the end of Mr. Rome. Fox, who specializes in the hiring of baboons and other primates, hired Rome to do a radio show for them. And for the last 8 years or so that is what he has done, much to the irritation of any human with a brain. So, he has spent his time ridiculing and insulting everyone he can in any sport you can imagine, from baseball to football to NASCAR to the Olympics, his rectal rhetoric knows no boundaries. He uses moronic slang, calling money "mad jack", and of course, his "clones" comments. And what an egomaniac, he finishes almost every interview with "wow, that was just an amazing interview, I'm so good, look at me, blah blah blah."

Then, for whatever stupid reason, ESPN was moronic enough to hire Rome's lame dimwitted ass back on, for a show called "Rome Is Burning". I won't ever watch it, it's bad enough having to deal with him on the radio, much less having to look at his ugly face on television, the man, er, boy has no common sense at all as far as etiquette, and I'm sure he'll end up getting his ass kicked on television again, except, this time he doesn't actually have people on the show with him, they are 'teleconferenced' in with him.

I think the only way I would watch this show is if someone actually did light him on fire, then "Rome Is Burning" would really be a meaningful show to watch, a real family pleaser. Stay tuned to local listings for time and channel.

Hot November!!!

It was 75 degrees today!!! WOW, talk about amazing. Of course, I was at work, and because the sun is basically gone by the time I get off work, I was unable to exploit this beautiful day to the fullest, be it running naked thru the park or protesting war protesters with a bullhorn, but non the less, it was a truly wonderful day.

I think to myself about how nice it would be if it were this temperature year round. Move to San Diego you say? Nah, learn to swim in the Arizona Bay, I say. I would have to say though that I like the heat of summer, the 100 degree temperatures that other people shy away from, I thrive in. And I would probably miss the snow and cold (I know, am I crazy???) if I got away from it, even though I tend to cuss up a storm about it sometimes in the winter around here.

I think that during the winter, I have time (lots of time) to really appreciate how nice the spring/summer really is around here. Nothing like the first 2 or 3 minutes in your car at 7:30 in the morning on a monday on your way to work, to make you think about the summertime, and how nice the mornings are during the summer.

I really did want to go for a jog tonite, but I realized that it had dropped about 20 degrees in 2 minutes once the sun disappeared. Oh well, such is life in the frozen wasteland that is the midwest during the bleak months of winter. ***This paragraph brought to you by Dairy Queen Blizzards, you want a really cool treat? Try a Dairy Queen Blizzard treat, now in Turkey and Stove Top Flavor!!!***

Legalized Robbery

Credit card companies certainly do make a hefty living ripping off the general public. Why is it that you can put money into a bank account and not get more than 3 percent interest on it right now, yet the interest on the credit card is 19%??? Wow, that really makes a lot of sense? Whatever. And God help you if you go over your limit. They nail you with an 'over your limit' fee each month that is more than your minimum payment. If by some chance, you are lucky enough to get back below your limit, if you pay the minimum payment each month, it will take you approximately 415 years to pay the card off, good luck. Even better, send in your monthly payment with under 15 days left till the cut off date, and they won't get it credited to your account on time, WOW, another fee!!! THANK YOU AGAIN!!!

Call them to complain about it, and you get to talk to a trained baboon who's only excuse is "well, you know, the post office takes up to 15 days to get your payment to us." Yes, I suppose that is why every letter you ever send someone never takes more than 3 days, and in most cases is there the next day. I guess that's just a conspiracy by the United States Post Office to screw over the poor helpless credit card companies and we should feel sorry for them and agree to paying stupid fees that accrue, yeah that's the ticket. I don't know what sort of sense credit card companies make. They basically wait for a person to fall down, then they run up and kick you in the head as hard as they can.

Even more fun: I get a letter from my card company that says "Your credit rating has changed, we now consider you a risk, we are raising your interest rate from 19% to 29%." Of course, I called to ask them why it had changed, and the baboon that answered the phone just grunted in my ear, had no answers, and ate a banana.

Just for fun, let's apply credit card mentality to a life situation:

For the following scenario:

your credit card = boat
dollars = people
credit card company = coast guard
drop in credit rating = crack in boat

Problem:

A boat is out in the ocean, there are too many people on the boat, and the boat is starting to sink, they need some help bad!!!

Coast Guard:

Tell them the only way to save themselves is to get people off the boat, all the while putting more people into the boat. Oh, you waited too long to get people off the boat, you get more people added into the boat. What? The boat can only hold 1000 people and you have 1020 people on the boat?? PUT 50 MORE PEOPLE ON THE BOAT!!! What? The boat develops a slight crack in it? ADD IN 10 MORE PEOPLE PER MINUTE!!

I think we can all see what happens here, the boat sinks. Oh, one more:

boat sinks = bankruptcy

It's really confusing actually. And you call and try to work with them and all they really want to do, to let you get people off your boat, is add a few more in. Talk about frustrating. And sure, you can say "you are the one that ran the limit up on your card." I suppose that is a fair statement, but that doesn't give these companies the right to bend a guy over the coach with sandpaper, now does it?

I guess a quick and easy way to pay off credit cards would be a new law. Every time a credit card company sends me a credit card application in the mail, they have to include a dollar bill with the application. It's really weird, I have such a bad rating, but they continue to send me application after application. "Sorry folks, I can only pilot one boat at a time, and this one is sinking fast okay?" If I get a dollar for every application they send in the mail, I should get my card paid off after I get about 1100 applications. That should take, oh, about 2 months. I wonder if I have the power to get that law passed? Yeah, good luck on that one.

Mortality Rears It's Ugly Head

I have been relatively healthy my entire life. This is a combination of things. I have reasonably good family background as far as heart disease and cancer (I'm young yet so I haven't given a lot of that thought), I have been lucky enough to avoid pitfalls such as car accidents, and addictions such as cigarettes or worse. I also enjoy working out, where as most people would sooner eat their own underwear than go run a mile.

The last year or so has brought about certain realities though. I can no longer 'cheat' my way to performing well on my physical training test for the military (work out for 2 weeks and overextend my abilities to score well). At this last school I went to, from 10/25 to 11/6/03, I had to do a PT test, and I did worse than I've ever done, even when I was at basic. I only did 47 pushups, and I ran the 2 mile a full minute slower than I ever have (12:57). I was quite disappointed.

Well, as the days went on (we took that test on the second day there), I began to feel a soreness in my chest. Subtle at first, then it slowly got worse. Felt like my heart was going to explode at times. It got to a point where it became hard to sleep. At 31 years of age, the idea of my heart failing was really scary, to be quite honest.

I go into the doctor tomorrow to find out what it is. I have an idea already. I would think that if it were a serious heart problem, it would have gradually showed up, where as this seems to have popped up in a matter of two days. I think I caught some sort of infection or virus when I did my run way too hard, and it has caused the tissue around my heart and/or lungs to become swollen, either from infection or from fluid building up. Either way it hurts pretty bad sometimes.

I sit and wonder about things, it's hard to not have that 'ideal body', and to deal with the problems that arise as you get older. I know I need glasses, for instance, but it's almost as though getting the glasses is like admitting that I'm imperfect, and you know, I'm just not ready to do that yet? *blah, I do need the glasses though, getting to a point where I can't read highway signs at night*.

From this point on I realize I need to work that much harder at eating healthy and maintaining an active lifestyle that includes running, walking, biking, and my usual pushups and situps. But even with that, do I need to consider something other than situps to avoid hurting my back? Heh, the things I have to begin thinking of... I may not be ready for them, but my body is sure ready to force the stinking issue.

The Despised "Leap Year"

Next year is that year that comes around every four years, the one that I despise. No, I'm not talking about the traditional "Leap Year" that we all know of, I'm talking about that nasty, stinking, annoying, pure crap presidential election year, and all I have to say about that is a resounding YUCK YUCK BLECK!!!

Every day, we will be blasted with a stinking plethora of steamy political bullshit, a veritable cornucopia of oral feces in the form of news, commercials, editorials, etc, on the radio, on television, in the newspaper, on billboards. It will be force fed to us, 'the masses', as though we are all babies and this is our Gerber Political Food and we need to eat it to survive.

I would love to say that I will be boycotting all of it, but I'm too much of a news junkie myself to avoid reading the paper, or traveling to www.yahoo.com to see the headlines, or catching the latest news breaks on CNN.

I have to wonder sometimes: was it always like this? I mean, nowadays, rather than run on any real political platform with easy to understand agendas and clear cut opinions on the issues that concern 'the masses', presidential hopefuls instead spend all their time trying to make all the other candidates look worse than themselves. By the time November rolls around, each candidate has degraded himself, and been degraded by others to such an extent that it's like choosing the best pile of horse dung; none seem to be good, so you look for the one that has the least stink.

Was there ever a time when the candidates campaigned on their own opinions, when they let us all know what they thought, where their passions lay? If there was, I sure don't remember it. And here we go again, another leap year filled with the stench of waist deep spouting political bullshit, try not to drown folks.

Random Thoughts On The Highway

I spend a lot of time driving around at work. I am still doing the whole windshield delivery thing, but I hope to get into something else sometime in November, but for now just to be working and supporting myself is good enough. There are several reasons why I'm going to move on from this job though.

I find myself yelling at other drivers more than I ever have before, now this doesn't mean I'm actually leaning out my window and yelling obscenities at them and giving them the middle finger (well, not usually anyways, most often I reserve that sort of behavior for family and co-workers). But I sit in the cab of my truck and silently mutter under my breath about the ignorance and stupidity of other drivers. What is bad about this is that the things those drivers are doing are things that I do in my own car when I'm not at work, so what right do I have to be that way? Although, there are some especially bad drivers that I reserve the most vehement attitudes for, those that are out and out dangerous and those that are just purely stupid. I tend to be an aggressive driver in my own vehicle but that doesn't necessarily make me a bad driver. But when I find myself driving the company vehicle sometimes like I would my own then there in lies a problem.

Another reason is the heavy lifting. Now, a windshield in and of itself is not all that heavy, well, some are, but most aren't too bad. But when you are lifting them while standing way up in a cage on a forklift it's precarious and twice now I've thrown my back out doing it. Plus at the end of the day I go and try to work out, be it running a few miles or doing a couple hundred push ups and situps, and I find myself tiring very easily.

I could also attribute that last part to the rampant cigarette smoking that goes on at work, I can't handle being around that, it makes my eyes hurt and I would swear it contributes to me having a sore throat and ear aches too. Add in the fact that there is no upward mobility within the company, and that the company doesn't give a crap about it's employees (we were on 410 days or so without an lost time injury at work, and there is supposed to be a pizza party every 100 days, and no pizza was ever given, no party either), put it all together and I realize I should begin looking for employment elsewhere.

Don't get me wrong, I like the people, for the most part anyways. One tends to be really lazy, but I can handle that for the most part. It's rare I've ever worked anywhere where I actually got along with everyone I worked with.

A little side note, I have noticed the "YELLOW" fleet trucks out on the interstate, and one question comes to mind. Why isn't that company called "ORANGE"??? The truck is NOT yellow, that is for sure, it's a very, very orange shade. Anyways, just a random rambling there.

World's Scariest Special Effects Editing

I'm not sure how long those police video shows have been on now, the ones that have actual police footage from cruisers and helicopters of people running from the police. I would say about 10 years now? When they first came out, they were really interesting. I guess that's because for the first couple of years they were working with probably about 20 years worth of video, and able to use the cream of the crop.

But now you watch the show and it's just a watered down version of what it once was, probably because they ran out of decent footage and have had to resort to the use of the crap that never made it into the earlier shows.

That doesn't so much bother me, you can't have all great footage when you've used a lot of the best stuff so far. What really annoyed me one night was a sudden realization about "World's Wildest Police Chases". As I was watching, I realized that the helicopter guy's voice sounded just like the voice of a sheriff involved in a chase in Georgia from previous footage on the same show.

This is because nearly every sound on that show is added in. This is something they didn't do when they first started making the show. I find the 'added' tire squealing, sirens, and crashing noises to be irritating, but that's not the worst of it. The worst of it is when the show adds in the voices of cops to the video. No cop in his right mind says something like "Okay, there he goes, he's crossing traffic, WOAH HE GOT CLOSE THERE, he just came back into my lane" and on and on, they don't give a running commentary over the police radio like that, they never do.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the show doesn't need all that extra gobbledeegoop to make it work, it does well enough on it's own. Adding in fake asinine sirens and 'officer narration' is just the same as lying about what is going on in the first place. Heck, who knows, maybe those are actually blood thirsty goblins driving those police cars and it's the innocent humans trying to get away from them. What? It could happen!!

Oh, one more related note, Paul Stojanovich, a former producer of COPS who produced World's Wildest Police chases, fell off a cliff while his fiancé was taking his picture and he died. Talk about wierd... do you think his fiancé has a video of it? World's Wildest Cliff Accidents, coming to a television near you.

Sorry I've Been Complacent

I am going to try to add a post a day until I leave the 25th for my two weeks of military schooling. I have been looking forward to this for some time now but I'm also very disappointed in the timing because it will not allow me to attend my sweetheart's sister's wedding, which would have been a wonderful time to meet her extended family, and to meet even her sister whom I have yet to meet.

I wish the Nebraska Military Department would have gotten me into the earlier class this month but they did not. I will be attending ANCOC, advanced non commissioned officer course, to be at least eligible for my next promotion in rank to E-7, Sergeant First Class.

Anyways, back to the reason I'm posting, I am cleaning off the cobwebs and getting to work in here again, going for a month and a half is way too long between posts.

People Eating Tasty Animals

My sweety recently received something in the mail, I have NO clue where it came from or how it got here *haha*. It was addressed to her with the middle name NOMEAT. Of course, she knew immediately who had sent that to her.

This little package was actually from PETA, it was called a "Vegan Starter Kit" and from the looks of the packaging; colors and stickers and what not, it's aimed at school aged kids, like 8th grade or so. The set of stickers is green and black and they say things like DISSECTION = SCHOOL VIOLENCE and CUT CLASS NOT FROGS. As I read on thru it though, there were phrases like "Factory farms aren't fairy tales, THEY'RE HELL" and "DO YOU GIVE A SHIT?" and "DO YOU GIVE A DAMN", along with NOW GET OFF YOUR ASS..." I was surprised that PETA would do something like this in a promotional pack for kids.

As I read further, I laughed aloud when I got to the part about milk and dairy cows. Nearly everything they put up about the dairy industry was completely false. This was what they said:

"Up to three times a day, dairy cows get electric machines hooked up to their massively swollen udders. Cuts and injuries to their udders are common- and so is mastitis, a painful infection. The pus, blood, and scabs, plus hormones and antibiotics, all end up in that milk mustache."

Misleading, misconceptions, and outright lies. Yes, cows get milked three times a day. That's about the end to the validity of the above statement. Electric machines? Negative, the machines work thru a pulsating pressure device powered by pneumatic vacuum suction, actively simulating the sucking of a baby calf. In many dairies there is no electricity at all running to the 'milkers' as they are called, and in those that are, the only electrical part reads the amount of milk going into the milker and shuts it down at a certain point. There is no use of electricity to do the actual milking of the cow at all, but by saying "electric machines", PETA can mislead people into thinking they are, hence electricity, zapping the cows.

Cuts and injuries are not all that common, and when it does happen, that cow is taken 'offline' and given antibiotics, and injured areas are rubbed down with 'udder balm'. The cow is still milked, but that milk goes into a tank separated from grade A production milk. Mastitis is common in every mammal, even humans get mastitis, and just as humans are treated, as are cattle. Again, the milk from a treated cow goes into a separate tank, so you don't get any antibiotics in your 'milk mustache', as PETA claims. When there are that many lies in one section, the section I am familiar with, that certainly brings into question the authenticity of the entire booklet PETA sent out.

Maybe I'll start a new group, and call it PETOV, "People for the Ethical Treatment Of Vegetables", and target vegans for 'murderous rampages of peace loving plants on our planet" or some such ridiculous crap, after all, if filling a pamphlet with mindless drivel and sending it out to people who, for the most part, couldn't care less about PETA or PETOV. No one is ever going to tell me I cannot eat meat, the day that happens is the day someone will be picking my boot from out their mouth.

Golf Is Totally Stressing Me, Time For A Break!

Tiger Woods, superstar golf athlete (if golfers can truly be called athletes, who knows?), took some time off from golf awhile back because he was 'burned out' and needed some time away. How exactly can he justify that? I mean, seriously, people who are damn good at golf make a really good living at it, they also get several months off a year. I certainly wish I could do that, because I'll tell you what, one day at my 9 dollar an hour job burns me out. But, unfortunately, I don't have the money to allow myself to do something like that, because takinga break from working means getting kicked out of my place and losing a lot of other things that I really need to survive.

But when I hear someone like Woods talking about being burned out, that really makes me laugh. Yes, I understand the media coverage is intense and that being under the spotlight is stressful, but come on, for 50 million a year, or whatever he is making when you add up his winnings and endorsement deals, I think I would put up with that. Hell, I'd do it for 10 percent of that, geesh, even 1 percent of that. A measly 500,000 for me and I have cameras following me around? Oh well.

Of course, Tiger doesn't help himself by acting like a big overemotional baby when he misses a put or has a bad drive, but then, even if he wasn't the cameras would still be there.

I shouldn't ride on Woods all that bad, because it's not just him that I hear complaining about things, the worst of the sports superstars complain about not having enough money, and justify wanting more than 11 million dollars a year with stupid assinined comments like "well, I'm only economically viable as a player for about 4, maybe 5 years, I have to think about my future you know?" Hello, earth calling jackass, normal human beings could put away 1 million dollars and live off the interest alone. Not only that, but perhaps you should think about a getting a JOB once your time on the field or in the ring or on the track has run out.

There is life beying sports, but you would be hard pressed to convince some of these idiots about it.

Smoked Human Jerky, YUMM!!

I try to get a semblance of a tan during the summer. I shouldn't really say I try all that hard, because this usually consists of me laying out perhaps 4, maybe five times, rarely longer than 45 minutes or so. I do end up tanning reasonably well, although this summer, because I'm driving for a living, I have this strange, alien like one armed tan, as though my arm leaves me and lays out when I'm not aware or something.

What boggles my mind is when it's March, like the first nice day of the year, 65 degrees or so, and you are at the grocery store, and some lady comes in wearing shorts and a t-shirt and she looks like a piece of beef jerky, all dried out and dark and nasty looking. "Pardon me for staring with my mouth wide open, but that has to be the nastiest thing I've ever seen."

Is there some sort of unknown beauty rule I don't know about in effect here? The darker, wrinklier, and dried out you are, the sexier you are, the more people will look at you and think "yah, now there is what I want to look like, 20 years older than I actually am and easily mistaken for a piece of smoked and dried meat."

About the only thing I can think of is that tanning becomes an addiction or something, or that the person doing the tanning completely loses track of how incredibly awful they look and they just keep on doing it, oblivious to becoming one with the walking dead. I'm totally torn, do I pull out a bottle of moisturizing lotion and toss it to this person to try and help them save themselves? Or do I just pull out a gun and shoot them in order to put them out of their misery? I just don't know.

European Mutt American Music Awards

I recently turned on the television, and what did I see? The Latino Music Awards!! OH BOY!! Talk about a totally racist idea. Have you ever sat back and thought about what it means to single out your race for awards? How about trying this sometime: take a speech about African Americans or Hispanics and change every word Hispanic or African American or black to the word white. You will think you are reading a Ku Klux Klan speech. Yet as a society we accept this when it's the other way around, and we really shouldn't.

For hundreds of years now blacks have worked very hard to achieve respect and dignity in this nation, and to be recognized on the basis of individual achievement versus skin color. This is extremely important, to get people to see the person for who he is, and not for the bias that his or her skin color may represent. Yet in the same way, you cannot award someone strictly on the basis of skin color either, that is honestly just as bad as a person stereotyping against another person based on skin color.

I am not trying to single out blacks and Hispanics either, this happens with women, it happens with Jewish persons, it happens all the time with just about any group of people who 'look different' from what society may see as the majority. And society will continue to do so as long as recognition is given out to these groups of people, whether that recognition be bad, or good.

My Lightbar Is Bigger

Volunteer fire departments are a necessity around smaller towns, because of the inability cost-wise of the town to actually hire out full time firefighters, paramedics, and drivers. Regular people from around time spend their valuable time as volunteers to not only maintain a fire fighting, rescue squad, and emergency force, but the time to train themselves to be technically efficient to use the newest equipment to save lives.

With this in mind, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about what I'm posting here. I have the utmost respect for these people. The problem I have is with the idiot volunteer who goes and buys a gigantic $750 regulation police light bar for his vehicle, along with 'fireman' stickers all over the windows of his truck, fireman license plate borders, personalized fireman plates, and whatever other gaudy advertising he can think of to point at himself and say "LOOK AT ME, I'M A FIREMAN!!"

You never see actual firemen doing this, I drive by the downtown fire station headquarters here in Omaha, and at most you will see a little sticker about 4 inches around and once in a while borders on the license plates, but that's it. I guess the biggest problem I have with people like this is the gigantic lightbar, it's just completely ludicrous and serves no real purpose whatsoever over the ordinary interior flashing red light, people can see that red light just as well as they can the lightbar... oh, except you can't see the red light unless it's turned on, but with that massive light bar on top of your truck, well, no one can miss the fact that you are a fireman.

God forbid you actually do what you do in relative anonymity without trying to promote yourself to the fullest extent of your abilities and then some. I appreciate the guys and gals out there who do this job without having to go to such lengths to let everyone else know what they do to help their community. I just wish everyone who does it was that way.

Racing Lawnmowers

I drive a 1991 Dodge Daytona Shelby IROC, it has around 190 horsepower, a 4 cylinder turbo. This car is a sports car, it has a reasonable amount of power, and good torque provided by the turbocharger. What totally blows my mind, is how the movie "Fast And The Furious" has spawned thousands of idiots driving around in economy cars thinking they can race everyone.

A Honda is NOT a race car. There is only one Honda that can lay claim to being a race car and it's the S2000 roadster, and for $35,000 I think I would buy something with a lot more power and speed, like a Ford Mustang Cobra or Chevy Camaro SS. But don't tell these dorks driving Hondas around that they are not sports cars, oh god no. I don't understand it really. Most of the Hondas I see have a 1200 dollar set of rims on them, and DRUM BRAKES IN BACK... DRUM BRAKES!! I say it twice to reiterate how stupid it is. If you are going to spend a ton of money on rims, spend some time and put disc brakes on your rear wheels, I did, with two different cars. Also, the run of the mill honda has about 130 horsepower. Adding a 6 inch muffler and a cold air intake will give you, at most, an 25 horsepower. Do you really think that means you are going to go race me, or worse yet, a V-8 car? Whatever.

It gets worse. 4 door Camrys and Altimas with huge mufflers and racing rims, stickers, stripes, neon lights, all wanting to race all the damn time. Usually I just let them go, but every so often I get annoyed and blow them away. It's funny too, I've hit two deer with my car so my car looks like crap now, perhaps as they watch my tail lights disappear, they will realize that it's not looks at all, it's what you've got under the hood, that makes the car go. I think the funniest sight is when a 'ricer' (commonly used name for a pile of crap economy car with stickers and a big muffler) pulls up next to an american built SUV and gets blown away by soccer mom, who isn't even trying all that hard.

I think that anytime a new honda is sold, it should come with a lawnmower blade underneath it, because everytime I hear one of these dorks in their cars with the big muffles, it sounds like someone is mowing the lawn. This would give Honda drivers something constructive to do, obviously they can't race real cars, so they could have races to see who can mow a lawn the fastest, finally, something a Honda driver can win.

I think what says it all is this fact: no Honda car played any significant role whatsoever in the movie "The Fast And The Furious", even the S2000 wasn't really shown all that much, and you didn't see any stinking accord or prelude running around all bad ass against the real import tuner cars. Too bad ricers around here don't seem to realize that.

Driving: Lincoln vs Omaha

In Nebraska, the two largest cities are divided by a mere 60 miles or so of interstate, and you would think that all the drivers would behave in roughly the same manner, this just is not the case.

Omaha is a great place to drive. The streets are almost all 4 lane, 2 for each driving direction. Omaha drivers drive quickly, as though they have a purpose, if the speed limit is 45, it's likely the flow of traffic will be moving along at 55. They will let you into traffic, but you need to be somewhat aggressive as to nosing your way in, but it is understood and you are let into traffic when you do so. The fast lane goes faster in Omaha, allowing people to move a little quicker from place to place and get around slower drivers who stay in the left lane.

Lincoln is a complete and total disaster for driving. Good luck finding 4 lane roads, and if you do, there are trees growing within 2 feet of most roads, sometimes even in the median. Lincoln drivers drive slowly, as though there is no where they have to be and no reason to drive responsibly at all. If the speed limit is 45, it's likely the flow of traffic will go along at about 30. No one will let you into traffic in Lincoln either, the town is filled with irresponsible "better than thou" type people and that translates directly over to their driving. Don't be surprised if you will sit thru two songs on the radio waiting to be let into traffic, and if you nose in, woah, the horns go off, the finger flies up, and the yelling commences. There is no fast lane in Lincoln, because Lincoln is the home of the Side By Side Driver!!

The Side By Side driver doesn't believe in a fast or slow lane, his mentality can best be described as Borg, and all cars are part of the collective hive, and need to move along at the same rate of speed. The most irritating thing about the Side By Side Driver, is that if the person next to him speeds up, so does he, and if the person next to him slows down, well he needs to slow down too. Frustrating, aggravating, irritating, this describes any Omaha driver that gets stuck in Lincoln trying to get around this mess.

I of course enjoy nosing out into traffic, and even better, I like slowing down and letting like four cars in at a time, because nothing is more fun than pissing off slow drivers who have no reason to be pissed off because they are already driving around with no purpose to begin with, so why be mad if things are moving along even more slowly?

The strangest part about the Lincoln driver however, is that once he is on the interstate, HOLY SHIT LOOK OUT I NEED TO GO 90 MPH AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!! But, once they reach Omaha, it's right back to Side by Side, no purpose, 10 mph at least under the speed limit driving. Only now, they are outnumbered by the Klingon like drivers of Omaha, and will be dragged from their cars and killed repeatedly, despite their unsuccessful attempts to assimilate the Omaha drivers into the collective of moronic granny style Lincoln driving.

There was a time that the license plates in Nebraska had a 1 at the beginning of the number for Omaha plates and a 2 for Lincoln, but now it's random gibberish on the plates for both cities. Not that it's all that hard to tell who is who. Look for the irritated driver in Lincoln trying to get ahead of the retardedly slow traffic flow, and that's the Omaha driver. Look for the driver in Omaha who pisses everyone off so badly that he is dragged from his car and beaten to a pulp, and that's the Lincoln driver.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

The Redneck Pretender

CBS had a show on for a few years called "The Pretender", in which this rather intelligent boy named Jared was raised up by a company, and taught just about every imaginable job skill known to man. Jared escapes and lives his life on the run, searching for his real parents, and doing good deeds as a doctor, pilot, scientist, lawyer, every skilled type job you could imagine. The company that raised him chases him week after week, trying to find him, and always ends up just a few minutes behind him as Jared escapes.

I think a great idea for a new show would be "The Redneck Pretender". In this show, Joe Bob would be kidnapped from his trailer at a young age and raised in a chicken factory to be able to do a whole number of totally meaningless jobs. Of course he would escape, and week to week, Joe Bob would work as a short order cook, a gas pump attendant, pizza delivery guy, septic tank cleaner, and taxi cab driver. Those chasing him could be the reincarnation of Boss Hog and Sheriff Roscoe P. Coaltrain, always just a step behind the cunning Joe Bob and his 36 foot trailer pulled behind a 1983 Ford pickup.

It's really too bad I don't work for a broadcasting network, because an idea like this is pure gold, gold I tell ya!!

Highway Etiquette: Trucks

I drive a truck at work, a straight truck that weighs 22,000 lbs. I also drive a tractor trailer for the military. I have always had quite a bit of respect for truck drivers and what they have to deal with, and I also respect most passenger car drivers when they slip in and out of traffic responsibly in order to save time so they don't end up behind a truck. But I have zero respect for gravel truck drivers, especially the ones who drive the truck + pup trailers. These guys are like the low life of truck drivers, they have no respect for good manners or any laws of the road, be they written or unwritten. I sometimes wonder if some of them even have a license, as I watch them speeding recklessly thru traffic.

As I drive my truck, I know that in most situations it is best for me to be in the right lane, the slow lane, this allows faster more agile passenger cars to go around me and get to their destinations more quickly, especially in areas with a lot of stopping, like suburban or commercial situations. Not gravel truck drivers, they come up on a line of cars in the right lane and they whip out into the left lane, hoping somehow to trim an extra 5 seconds off the time it takes to get thru a stoplight. They do this especially if there is a truck(s) already in the right lane. What is most amazing about this is that usually the gravel truck ends up being the last one thru the light, blocking all normally faster moving traffic in the left lane, as the right lane moves smoothly along.

I realize that my truck will go anywhere from 5 to 10 miles an hour slower uphill than downhill, and I adjust my driving accordingly as to not block people in on the passing lane. Again, not so with gravel trucks, they will 'downhill drive' like crazy (45 mph up hills, 85 mph down hills), causing big time frustration to passenger cars, and even worse for truck drivers who are able to hold somewhat of a constant speed. Those truck drivers cannot pass a gravel truck going uphill and many times cannot gain enough momentum to get around them going downhill, causing at the least frustration and at worst cases of road rage, something you do not want to have happening between trucks.

Nebraska has a state law that requires gravel trucks to be tarped. But you will rarely ever see one that is using the tarp, oh, it might be on the truck, but it's very unlikely it will be unrolled over the cargo of blasting sand that pelts yours and everyone elses vehicles as you travel down the road. If you stick your hand out the window while following one down the interstate, good luck, you are likely to lose some skin. I have never quite understood why none of them are ever ticketed for this, at least none to my knowledge.

There are times that passenger car drivers do stupider things than even the gravel truck drivers do, things that make no sense whatsoever and end up with the person in the car probably wishing they had used a little more intelligence in their decision making. I was involved in just such an incident today.

I was driving my truck along Interstate 80 today at about 4:15 in the afternoon, when I made a move to get into the outside left lane, in order to join the faster moving traffic. I put my blinker on, then noticed that the car coming up was moving along at a fairly good rate of speed so I let him pass by, then began to move into the left lane. At this point my blinker had been going for about 12 to 16 seconds, there was a cadillac moving up in the fast lane, I adjusted my speed accordingly to enter the lane, and the cadillac was a good ten car lengths or better back from me at that time. This wise ass decides to speed up and actually passes me on the shoulder, driving thru gravel and all sorts of debris and within about 5 inches of my truck and the concrete barriers they have in the middle of the interstate to divide the traffic going in opposite directions. Dust and sand pelted my truck as he moved back into the driving lane of traffic.

I was completely shocked that someone would do this, especially someone in about a $40,000 automobile. not only that, but he ended up slowing down to an even slower speed than I had been going to begin with. I moved up behind him, to a point where I had a four second cushion of space, and just shook my head. About a half mile down the road, smoke rolled from under the cadillac and his driver's side rear tire exploded. Now he moved onto the shoulder for a reason. As I drove on by, I turned and looked out the window and gave the biggest, friendliest, most sarcastic wave and smile you could possibly imagine. I know, this wasn't a very gentlemanly thing to do, but in this case, I could not resist.

Moral Of The Story : Sometimes saving yourself precious seconds adds aggravating hours to your journey. Jackass behavior got jackass results for Mr Cadillac, and he should have known better than to drive his car thru the shoulder where, most likely, he picked up a pretty decent sized chunk of debris in his tire. Thankfully, no one was hurt, and I had the highlight of my day, perhaps even my work week.

Feel Sorry For Stupidity?

I don't know how often someone dies in a car accident, they have stats for that, like 1 every 47 seconds or whatever it may be, but I am not sure what it is exactly. What I find amazing is how often those involved are not wearing their seatbelts. Take this particular accident for instance:

Accident Kills Three Teenagers

The teens were trying to imitate a car commercial in which a Toyota jumps a bridge. What makes this accident even more appalling is the complete disregard for human life that the driver shows when interviewed by the local paper recently. The driver of the car, Joseph Fitzgerald, 16, of Omaha, was quoted as saying "This was not my fault, I shouldn't be the one who gets blamed, everyone in the car wanted to do it." WHAT??? WAKE UP JOEY!! YOU WERE DRIVING THE CAR!! There should have been some responsibility taken by each of the riders in the car to have worn their seat belts, especially given the stupid stunt they were attempting to recreate, unfortunately, no one did wear seat belts, and this is the result.

I feel that every single accident involving injury should be reported in the papers with large red letters under the news headline "SEATBELTS WERE NOT WORN" when people do not wear seat belts and get hurt. And in massive wrecks with minor injuries, "SEATBELTS WERE WORN" to reiterate the importance of wearing a seatbelt.

I hear some pretty amazing excuses as to why someone doesn't wear a seat belt:

I don't want to get trapped in the car (if it goes underwater/ starts on fire)

This is really a two part excuse, and both parts are incredibly ignorant. If your car starts on fire following an accident, it's likely there was a pretty significant impact that created the fire, if you don't have a seatbelt on, it's likely you are going to be injured, and a good chance you will be injured so badly you won't be able to exit the car at all. As far as going underwater, studies have shown that there is such a small chance of being involved in a submersion accident in comparison with other accidents, again outweighing any reason for not wearing a seatbelt. Not only that, but a car becoming submerged also has impact that may throw the person from the seat just from the car hitting the water, not even mentioning what may have led to the car going into the water to begin with. Being belted in allows a person to orientate themselves to where they are at within the car and increases the likelihood of escape.

If I'm thrown from the car I won't be injured as badly

This is such a bad excuse I have to stifle laughter when I hear it. Where do you end up when you are thrown from a car? Well, you end up being thrown into the path the car is moving, be it rolling on it's wheels, end over end, or side over side. Time and time again people are killed by vehicles crushing them after being ejected. Also, being ejected from a car at 60 mph, it doesn't matter what you hit, you are going to be severely injured, even landing in a grass ditch will leave you in the hospital with broken bones, probably worse.

I don't want to wrinkle my dress clothes

Yes, god forbid you get a crease in your suit jacket. Hey, your dress clothes will look really nice on you at the funeral right? I mean, after your head makes contact with the windshield at 60 mph, but wait, I guess your blood will ruin that particular outfit, now won't it?

I can hold onto the steering wheel and avoid being ejected or going into the windshield

Who are you kidding??? The laws of nature are against you in this one, the force exerted by your body moving forward at even 35mph as a vehicle comes to an instant stop in a collision will bend the steering wheel first before breaking your grip and hammering you into the windshield and/or tossing you from the car, you don't have a chance of 'holding on'.

It's such a hassle to deal with putting a seatbelt on and off, and it's so constrictive

Hmm, versus the minor hassle of hospitalization, surgery, scars, paralysis, and death, I suppose that excuse makes sense right? It takes all of 3 seconds to put a seatbelt on and maybe 2 seconds to take it off.

There are no good excuses for not wearing a seat belt. Oh, the last one, I would be injured worse with a seatbelt on; Nope, there is such a slight chance of that happening, it's ridiculous to even try to use that as a valid excuse. And, just for the record, I survived a wreck in which I would have died if I had worn a seatbelt, in which the rear door collapsed inward and into the seat where my 4 year old body would have been sitting had I been belted in. But even I know that it was a fluke. So don't think I'm going to feel bad for someone who doesn't wear their seat belt and gets killed in an accident, ESPECIALLY an accident they may have walked away from or been injured in slightly had they worn one. Stupidity isn't much of a reason for pity in my opinion.

Metallica Is Slipping

Metallica is releasing a new album this week, their first new material in a long time. Fans have already reportedly reserved an astonishing 1.5 million copies of the album. Unfortunately, I have a feeling they are going to be sorely disappointed in this cd.

I didn't get into Metallica right away when they made it big. The music was so hard that it took me a few years to really appreciate it for what it was worth. The first Metallica album I purchased was And Justice For All, and I bought the black album, and Load and Reload. Although others thought they sold out after "And Justice For All", I thought they did a good job of moving into a more mainstream musical approach. I have also intended on purchasing the albums from before And Justice For All.

I was driving around in my work truck the other day and the morning guys on local station 93.3 KRTZ (they are a couple of complete douchebags, but I won't go into that) were all excited because they had the new single from the upcoming Metallica album and they were going to play it. I was intrigued myself, looking forward to hearing what they were going to sound like, because all indications pointed to a return to harder metal like they used to play.

The song is terrible immediately. The drums sound like Lars is on speed or some other amphetamine of some sort, just hammering away on them with no real purpose at all, James Hetfield is ranting away out of sync also, and the guitar is just plain uncoordinated at best. I can only pray that the rest of this album has more substance and better songs, or this is going to be one of the most astonishingly huge musical failures of all time, regardless of how many they sell the first few days. They won't sell much more once people start realizing how terrible it really is.

The only reason the song is even being played by radio stations everywhere is because of the name Metallica itself, which is really sad. If St. Anger had been released by a no name band, every radio station in the nation would have laughed hysterically and never have played it, but oh, because it's METALLICA, they feel they have to play it, and not only that, retards like the morning guys on 93.3 actually talk about how great the song is and keep a straight face about it, to me that is just absurd. If they weren't being paid big bucks by Elektra to promote the song no one on earth would play it. It's THAT bad.

Pacifists Need Pacifiers

I'm sick of turning on the television or opening up the newspaper and seeing ignorant anti-war people spouting off their empty heads and loud mouths about how 'evil' America is for going after Iraq, and about how we terrible war is and that there is no excuse for fighting ever...

There is a set of instructions on how to handle a pacifist, it's really a simple procedure to help a pacifist change their ignorant ways:

First off, ask the person what they think about the war in Iraq, to be sure that this person is indeed a pacifist.

The person should answer with something like the following "War under any circumstances is bad, there are always better ways to handle any situations than to respond with violence".

At this point, punch the person in the nose, as hard as you can. If the person tries to fight back, hold up your hands and remind them that responding to your assault with aggression is bad, and that, as he/she had said before, there are better ways to handle this situation than fighting back. The person will say something like "Yes, that is right, fighting back is..." cut them off by punching them in the face as hard as you can again. If the person does not fight back after the first punch, then just punch them again right away.

Repeat the before mentioned steps until the person realizes that, yes, sometimes it is necessary to fight back to protect oneself

Dumping Is BAD!!!

I was on a route out of Lincoln earlier today while working and I saw this written on a billboard... "Dumping Is BAD!!!" and there was a sheep on the billboard, and a pile of something beside the sheep in a field, like along a road or something. This has to be one of the stranger billboards I have ever seen in my life (although, every one of them in South Dakota on the interstate going west probably is wierder, but we won't go there, it's South Dakota, enough said).

I got to thinking, what in the world is someone doing dumping a perfectly good sheep??? I mean, the sheep in the picture on the billboard was healthy, he was looking unhappily at some pile of stuff, perhaps someone dumped him too close to some garbage? I really don't know...

I wondered perhaps, if this were a play on words, such as, "Dumping Is Baaaaaaaaaad", like a sheep going "baaaaaaahhhhh". Certainly in this day and age we don't still have problems with rogue sheep running around leaving piles of litter in the wilderness? You have to really hate it when sheep get all wild in this day and age and start dumping their McDonald's wrappers out of the car and leaving messes around.

But, I am sure I actually figured out what the billboard meant, because obviously, if you think about sheep dumping, it probably means that there are wild sheep in the city of Lincoln crapping on people's lawns. Nobody wants that going on, that is just terrible. Of course, someone should have thought of one thing before they put up the billboard...

MOST SHEEP CANNOT READ!!!

DUH, I swear, don't people think before they act? What a waste of money, only the smartest of sheep can read, and I wouldn't think they are the ones out crapping around, well, unless they are drunk, or high, but then, sheep that are doing drugs aren't all that smart, now are they?

Well, let's just hope that someone can get ot the bottom of all this sheep dumping going on.

Modern Torture Device

I would like to meet the man who invented the three piece suit, and kick him right in the balls. That's right, wind up, and just drive my foot right up into his family jewels, to let him know how much I do NOT appreciate the idea of wearing such a ridiculously uncomfortable getup. It certainly wasn't on the basis of comfort that someone decided to get up one morning, put on a starched white shirt with 12 buttons on it, including one that tightens right around the neck, toss on some tweed pants with a belt, hot dark colored leather shoes that, regardless of what anyone says, are NEVER as comfortable as athletic shoes.

Then a tie, the worst part of all, it is tight, restricting, it blows all over in the wind, drops in water in the drinking fountain, and gets into everything you eat, too. And putting the tie on is the worst of all, adjusting it and reputting it on again till finally the ends match and the little end in back isn't longer than the one up front. On top of that is the jacket, anothe 3 buttons to do and a lovely heavy hot, even more constricting final touch to the whole suit process. Then of course there are the lovely accessories to the suit, the big heavy briefcase, the heavy metal watch, cufflinks, etc.

The business suit makes me question the very sanity of which we, humans, have evolved as a race. Let's be quite truthful about this now. If humans were truly the most intelligent animals on the planet, then why in the hell are we even wearing these stupid outfits to work??? We should be wearing sweat pants and t-shirts, running shoes, and perhaps a light jacket when it's chilly in the office. But no, we insist on punishing ourselves with these ridiculous clown suits and pretending there it is normal to be this uncomfortable at work.

And yah, I'm sure some of you are saying "oh, I am very comfortable in my suit at work." Well why don't you lounge in your suit, or go work out in a three piece, or sleep in your suit? Because it's not THAT comfortable, now is it? Or perhaps it is because of the price of the outfit, another reason why suits are really stupid. If the world were truly perfect, you could go to work in a pair of comfy cotton shorts and a nice t-shirt, but the world requires us to show respect to some unknown God Of Torture by wearing the business suit.

Hmm, I wonder if the real reason we wear suits is so we can stay awake at work? I suppose that might be it, wouldn't want someone so comfy that they would fall asleep at work, that's for sure.

Teachers Need To ZIP THE LIPS!!

Once again, teachers in Nebraska are doing the usual complaining that they don't make enough money, using the most common misleading and deceitful tactics in order to trick the public into believing the ignorant rhetoric that spills forth from their mouths like so much rattling of the empty can.

The economy stinks right now, I don't know what it's like for other states, but Nebraska is having a horrible time budget wise trying to make ends meet, everything is being slashed, from university funding to law enforcement, but that doesn't seem to matter to teachers. "We hold the nation's future in our hands, yet we make the same salary as an automobile mechanic" was what one teacher said recently.

WOAH, now hold on just a minute and lets do a little research about what she said right there. Now, this teacher and the auto mechanic both make a salary of $26,500 dollars a year, BUT.... something to consider in all of this, a teacher works 9 months of the year, where as, the auto mechanic works a full year to gain his salary. So, let's break this down into a more realistic comparison of the salaries of these two occupations.

Teacher: $26,500 for 9 months = $2944.44 dollars a month

Mechanic $26,500 for 12 months = $2208.33 a month

This teacher has a SUBSTANTIAL gain over the mechanic, based on the REAL numbers done mathematically. And, if you were to take the $2944.44 by 12, to figure out the actual salary of a teacher, the total comes to $35,333.28 for a year.

"Oh, now that's not fair" you say? Sorry, I don't have much sympathy in the way of teachers, they knew going into this profession that they were going to have that three months each year where they would not be working. "But a teacher has to work late at night to correct papers and get ready for the next days classes." So what?!?!?!? Do you know how many professions require those working them to be on the job, either at work or at home, working from home, for 60 to 80 hours a week? And let's face it, teaching isn't some horribly hard job, anyone who tries to say that it is SOOOOOOO terrible needs to spend some time working in a factory, or driving a cab, or doing some fast food, because any of those jobs and a thousand others are a damn site harder than being a teacher.

And, as far as the whole "holding the nation's future in our hands" statement, just what do you think happens when a mechanic works on a car, or a police officer directs traffic, etc? There are so many jobs that hold just as much importance as far as how they affect the future as a teacher's job does. Don't get me wrong, I respect very much what teachers do, however, I don't believe for an instant that they deserve more money, especially when the economy is doing so poorly.

The Smells Of Summer

As this time rolls around every year, I find myself taking deep breaths in and savoring the smells of summer, the fresh cut smell of grass and hay, the fragrant smell of blooming flowers and blossoms on trees, the light scent of chlorine that the wind will carry off of a swimming pool, so many smells that bring back so many memories. (of course, I've never had a car with any sort of reliable air conditioning, so I'm always accustomed to these smells haha) I love this time of year, it's my favorite. Growing up on the farm, every year at this time you realized the earth's promise of renewal, watching the barren land give way to life in the form of abundant crops. Swimming in the creek, riding my bicycle five miles into town just to buy a candybar and some soda, experiencing those smells right up front and in my face each and every day of my youth.

I suppose it's just another reminder of a more innocent time of life, each year, getting out of school, having that three months to go do whatever I wanted, as long as I was getting my chores done at the farm. How nice would it be if we were still able to have that three months off every year, to just be a kid again? I guess this is where I see the reason for needing to own my own business, whatever that business may be, in order to really enjoy life on my own terms. Ah, summer, what a beautiful thing.

Old Decrepit Pervert

I cannot help but be both amazed and disgusted by Hugh Hefner, owner of Playboy Enterprises. I shouldn't say amazed at him, more amazed at the people who associate themselves with him. The guy is like what, 90 years old now? And these blood sucking whore blondes who get airbrushed in his magazine hang out at that mansion with him and countless idiot airhead movie stars and sports stars who think you are in the 'in crowd' if you get into the Playboy Mansion.

I suppose the fact that if Hugh Hefner was not owner of Playboy he would be known as Hugh Hefner, retired municipal bus driver, but since he has all that money, it's okay for him to basically buy friends so they will hang around with his nasty wrinkled ass as he walks around in that ugly as sin silk robe that he wears all the time. Can you imagine what is underneath that thing?? EEEEEK, I shudder at the thought. And yah, the girls that marry him, oh, they are in it for him, not the money. Right, my white ass, it's all about the money, I mean, what would it be like lying in bed naked with that ugly, yellow toothed freak? GOD, GROSS!!! YUCK!! I mean, sure, I would never be in bed with any man, but for you ladies out there, you have to want to projectile vomit at the very thought of that nasty man naked.

Yes, I do thumb thru the occasional Playboy, that's how I got this idea, looking at the half naked women running around that mansion with half dead Hugh and all the stupid actors and sports celebrities. It would be nice just to have enough money to turn down an invitation to the Playboy mansion, but unfortunately, I can't buy my friends. No, wait a minute, that isn't unfortunate, that just lets me know who my real friends truly are. I can tell you this much, for all the money he has, Hugh Hefner still lies down in bed at night a lot lonelier than I am, because I know who my friends really are.

Walking Into The Sunset

This week, John Stockton, basketball player for the Utah Jazz NBA team, announced that he was going to retire after 19 years in the game, and Karl "The Mailman" Malone isn't sure what he will do yet, he is a free agent next year. Now, I don't really like the Utah Jazz, but anytime a player of sports who has played for most of my lifetime and developed a near 'icon-like' status, such as Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, or Magic Johnson did, you get sort of used to seeing them day after day during the season, like or not. When they retire, although inevitable, it's still sort of sad, the end of an era.

It seems like Wayne Gretzky of the NHL, Tom Osborne (coach of my beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers college football team), Michael Jordan (for the first time), Barry Sanders of the NFL, and some of the others, were retiring all within like just a couple of years, I remember sitting there the first day I heard Tom Osborne was going to retire, and feeling a wash of wide eyed shock about it. He was given the reigns to the Nebraska football program in 1972, the year I was born, I had never known another coach of the Huskers, I know it was going to be strange, to not see him on the sidelines in the fall of each passing year, something I was so accustomed to. These players and coaches are icons, we idolize them when we are young and grow to respect them even more as we get older. Certainly others come along to replace them.

I never really understood how anyone could say that Pete Marivich or Dr J. could be anywhere near as good as Michael Jordon, or that Muhammed Ali could ever be considered as good as Mike Tyson, until now, when my idols begin to disappear one by one. Those who enter the league to replace them, they may be better, but I don't want to let go of that magical feeling in my youth, a time when I would listen to the radio at night to hear highlights of what Mark McGuire was doing hitting home runs, or turning on the television to see a magical pass play by Joe Montana to Jerry Rice. It is a connection to a time when things weren't so stressful, when life was easier, when a boy could enjoy sports right alongside wasting time all day swimming and riding his bike with friends. Each time another one retires I start to feel older, a little more vulnerable.

Change is constant, and in such a high profile area such as sports, it is a reminder that our time on earth is short and precious, and to make the best of that time we have.

My Army PT Test Is Done!!

Well, I took the Army PT test this weekend, and I did well, met a couple of my goals and got close to my third goal.

Pushups: 100 in two minutes
Situps: 83 in two minutes
2 Mile Run: 11:57

I have no clue where I pulled 100 pushups out of. I did 60 in about the first 50 seconds, then rested for a bit, then began doing them in increments of 10. I got to 90 and starting thinking "wow, I could make 100" and from then on out it was just a push, one by one, to crest the century mark in pushups. I have never done that before, and it gave me a lot of hope about my situps. As it turns out I may have overdone the pushups because I got to 60 situps and I was really hurting. I cranked out as many after that as I could, but I can see I have work to do in the area of my situps if I want to reach 100 in 2 minutes.

The run was very painful, I overdid it just to break 12 minutes, my first mile time was 5:45 and from then on out it was just push push push to try and keep my pace going. I over-ate spaghetti at lunch, trying to load up carbs, and that hurt me. I will have to do a LOT of work yet in the run if I ever plan to get to 10:30 before the state army fitness challenge in August sometime.

Overall I was encouraged. I didn't like how hard I had to run to break 12 minutes, but I was surprised at how I was able to get 100 pushups. I'll work some on situps, and continue to press on with increasing my running ability, and hopefully in a couple months I'll be ready to really do well.

ALL ALONE!!!

Well, Deanna is gone for close to 5 days, on a trip for the place she works at. This means I'm all alone!!! I AM FRIGHTENED!!! Actually though, this is wierd, because for the past 3 months we haven't been apart for more than 2 days at a time, and that was me going to my military guard drills. I have drill this weekend so we won't actually see each other until Sunday night *YIKES*. I miss her right now though, I shall call her, tried once but no answer, she's probably out on the town having some fun, seeing the sites in Kansas City, and what not.

I'll try not to have a huge beer bash while she's away, it will be tough but I think I can abstain from such activity for the time being. Will the dishes pile up? Will trash overflow? How will fraNk feed himself? STAY TUNED!!! CLIFFHANGER OF THE YEAR!!! The new season of As fraNk's World Turns starts on Monday!!!

Working Out Makes Working Good!!

I've been working out for about a month now, really getting into it the last week or so, because I have a PT test this weekend. I talk to some of the guys at work about how I go running and such after work and I hear "oh, I'm too tired to do that" and so on.

What is interesting though, is how much better a person feels if they work out with any consistency at all. You feel better at work all day long just for working out.

My calves have been really killing me though, because I've been running 'sets'. Sets are a 'set' distance and you run that distance like 6 times, and walk a little between each run. I am up to about a half mile now I think, and at the end of my sets, I sprint the back side of the dam 3 times, wow, my calves just scream the next day.

Hopefully all this work will do me good for this weekend's PT test. I am ready for the situps, the pushups are still a little iffy, as is the run, but I will do well.

TV Shows, Some Great, Some Terrible

I watch TV sometimes, and over the years there are several shows that I have really enjoyed, but there are also several shows that make me cringe with horror when I see them.

The shows that I have liked go as follows, chronologically listed based on when the show started, not by what show is better:

1) Hogan's Heros

What's To Like?

A bunch of crafty WW2 American prisoners of war, held by blundering idiots who run a pow camp in Germany, crawling around in tunnels and doing secret missions to help the Allies.

What's Not So Good?

Not all that believable at all, no one is as stupid as Colonel Klink, but still, with fun little missions going on in every show, it was always a good time to watch it.

2) M*A*S*H

What's To Like?

Plenty with MASH, a miriad of characters to choose from, from Hawkeye Pierce and his laid back fun time humor to Frank Burns and his over patriotic stupidity. As I got older, my time in the military allowed me to appreciate this show even more.

What's Not So Good?

I can't really watch it as much as I used to, sometimes the humor is downright childish. But mostly it's good fun.

3) Dukes Of Hazard

What's To Like?

I LOVED this show when I was little, it was the best, fast cars, police chases, crazy characters such as Roscoe P Coaltrain and Boss Hog, and wow, Daisy Duke with those jean shorts (although at the time I didn't pay attention to that much, I was too little).

What's Not So Good?

I try watching it nowadays, and it's just plain bad, you notice that were probably only about 3 jumps total ever done for the show, the footage is just added into every episode, the plots are terrible too. But in the day, as a kid, you didn't care, you just liked all the crazy car chases.

4) Airwolf

What's To Like?

Stringfellow Hawk was the lead character's name, he would go around getting his butt kicked all show long, and then at the very end show up in his mach 3 super attack helicopter called "AirWolf" and kick the holy shit out of everyone, it was awesome!!! Always on his tail were both the US government and the company that created AirWolf, although the company, represented by a man who dressed all in white with an eyepatch, never seemed all too concerned about going after the helicopter as long as Stringellow did the missions they wanted him to.

What's Not So Good?

The show centered around Stringfellow's quest to find his long lost brother, Sinjin Hawk. Belarus sold the rights to a new company took over production of Airwolf and got rid of all the actors and brought in terrible ones. The new helicopter pilot? Sinjin Hawk, how quaint, he was found, they never even showed the old actors doing a transition, the excuse? Stringfellow died. Too bad all the new actors were terrible. The show didn't even last more than 4 or 5 episodes after that.

5) Saturday Night Live

What's To Like?

TONS of incredible actors have come from this show, from the days of Eddie Murphy and Bill Murray, on to Dana Carvey and Phil Hartman, to Chris Farley and David Spade. A live skit show that makes you laugh and laugh, with guest stars ranging from huge movie stars to politicians.

What's Not So Good?

The show is really terrible now, ever since Phil Hartman left, the writing and skit ideas have been terrible, this probably has a lot to do with NBC having too much creative control over what goes on with SNL now and the show not being able to be so raw and nasty as it used to be. Another not so good thing is how many wonderful talented actors from this show have died young over the years.

6) Sienfeld

What's To Like?

This is my favorite show of all time, to be quite truthful, quarky, witty, there was no real basic plot week by week, the show just followed the strange yet hilarious exploits of 4 friends and their adventures around New York City.

What's Not To Like?

They quit TOO STINKING EARLY!!! And the series finale was really really horrible, they need to have a comeback show, a 2 hour fun movie, with all of them, and Newman, and Kryger, and Mr Peterman, and others.

Here's the shows I really did not like at all, I put these in order, Most Hated up top:

1) Touched By An Angel

What's To Like?

NOTHING, and I mean absolutely nothing

What's Not So Good?

EVERYTHING, it's all bad. The lead actress and her miserable blithering bothersome interference somehow always seems to save some poor begotten soul who has strayed from the path of good and always sees the err of his ways by the end of the show, thanks to the annoying angels. This show makes me want to projectile vomit, then run to my balcony and jump to my death. Well, I'd probably live, but with a broken leg or back or something. Then the angels would show up and save me and I'd want to stab myself.

2) The Other Half

What's To Like?

Not much, this show tries to be the male equivalent of The View, and it does even better at being terrible. Mario from Saved By The Bell, Dick Clark, drunken freak Danny Bonaduce, and some no name hunk of a guy, with an audience full of women, presumably to make the hosts feel like they are attractive or something, which they aren't.

What's Not So Good?

I don't know anyone who likes this show, it's completely pathetic, and it's sad really because Dick Clark looks like a has been when he hangs around with Bonadufus and Mario, I even feel bad for the no name guy, because his name won't get any more reknowned being on this show, that is for sure. Four poor idiotic men who sit around and talk about women's problems and even try feminine clothing and products on, just to get stupid laughs from the studio crowd, YUCK!!!

3) Murder She Wrote

What's To Like?

I suppose a person could really stretch and say this is a dramatic detective show, and get some enjoyment out of an 80 year old geriatric woman chasing down hoodlums.

What's Not So Good

It's an 80 year old geriatric woman chasing down hoodlums, that's bad, Angela Landsbury is about as believable as a detective as Charles Manson would be playing the Pope. This show actually makes me want to support assisted suicide.

4) The Nanny

What's To Like?

I suppose you could say Fran Dreschler is cute?

What's Not So Good

She may be cute, but then she opens her mouth and you are so completely annoyed that you want to pull out a shotgun and shoot the television.

5) The View

What's To Like?

4 well known women get together to discuss current events, along with a famous guest host.

What's Not So Good?

This show constantly degerates into a plethora of man bashing behavior, not to mention a man could grow a vagina just watching an episode of the View.

6) Highway to Heaven

What's To Like?

Michael Landon tried to do a spin off of sorts from Little House On The Prairie, this show was the prequel to Touched By The Devil.. err, An Angel, I mean. Landon was an angel that tried to help people out.

What's Not So Good?

Pretty much the same problem that Touched By an Angel is facing now, crappy feel good plots that have unrealistic feel good endings, and are so pathetically boring you pray for death.

There are other shows out there that I like and dislike, but this should give you an idea of some of my favorites and most hated.

Shopping At Sam's Club = FUN!!!

My goodness did we have a great time at Sam's Club shopping for bulk products. Here is a list of what we purchased:

20 lb tub of butter
5 gallon pail of Jack Daniel's whiskey
1000 packs of Juicy Fruit gum, shrink wrapped in a 3' by 3' square
25 lb bag of unsweetened grape Koolaid
10 lb shaker of garlic powder
5000 Vitamin D pills in a bottle
Ten 50 lb bags of doritos
30 gallon drum of Pace medium picante sauce (I love chips and dip)

As you can see we made several very wise decisions in our purchasing choices, we got some truly amazing stuff!!!

The Lights Are On But No One's Home

Easter night, we wanted to go get ourselves a sandwich from Subway, well, I did, and Deanna was going to have Subway for dinner because that's what I wanted (don't fret, feminists, she actually likes when I choose where to eat). There are two Subway's withing proximity to where we live, one about a mile south, and one about 3 miles north. We went south, I saw the big Subway sign was all lit up, they were closed. So we went north, the big Subway sign was also lit up, they were closed. We drove past Little King, sign lit up, store closed. Valentino's pizza, sign lit up, store closed.

Now, I understand it is Easter and all, it's not the fact that they are closed that I have a problem with, it's the idea that they LEAVE THE FREAKING BIG SIGN ON SO FROM A MILE AWAY, HUNGER REARS IT'S UGLY HEAD WITHIN ME AND I LOOK FORWARD TO EATING A PARTICULAR TYPE OF FOOD ONLY TO HAVE MY GOURMET DREAMS SHATTERED BY THE FAUX SECURITY OF AN OPEN WARM INVITING RESTAURANT!!! Whew, sorry about getting all worked up, but you have to understand, I wanted Subway, badly. Thankfully, Burger King opened his royal arms and took us in without question, cuddling our hunger as only broiled beef can.

I won't even go into what went on at McDonald's Saturday, waiting for 20 freaking McNugget's and a large fry. All in all I would say the weekend finished as follows:

Fast Food - 2
Me - 0

I'll get 'em next time!!!

Someone I Love

Sometimes in life I think everyone has moments where they are completely overtaken by feelings, be those feelings bewilderment, confusion, anger, elation, even love. These emotions seem to become intertwined with situations that could be seen as either lucky, or unlucky. Sometimes the feelings overlap one another, such as when you feel so completely and incredibly lucky to find someone who compliments you in so many ways, someone who loves you unconditionally and whom you can also love just the same, no strings, nothing to hide.

I have found that, a person with whom I can see myself for the rest of my life. Deanna is the most wonderful girl I have ever known, I sometimes will look over at her and wonder how someone so incredibly beautiful could ever be attracted to someone like myself, but I try not to dwell on that too much, more so to thank God that she is in my life, because I really can't imagine my life without her. I can remember the first time I ever saw her, around 5 years ago now, and how I thought she was so beautiful, and also thought to myself how no one like that could ever be interested in someone like me. Her amazing smile, deep dark eyes, the way she looks at me, I find myself holding my breath when I stare into her eyes, just trying to hear her breathe.

I won't ever expect everything to always be wonderful, life has already hit us pretty hard the last few months, over and over trying to knock us off our feet, but I know that as long as we have one another, everything will be okay. It's not money that I care about, it's not material possessions (although a fast little sports car and a nice house all paid for wouldn't be too bad), as long as I have her, I feel so complete, as though I can get past the deepest most painful things in my life just knowing how much I love her and how she feels the same for me. I'm in no way a perfect guy, but my better half makes up for that in so many ways, I don't know if she realizes how much I appreciate her, but I do, so very much, I love her with all my heart and soul, and nothing can change that.

Spend The Day With Me As I Beat Your Ass!!

I got a kick out of this when I read it:

Jose Canseco Offers His Company For Your Cash

Considering that he has gotten himself into hot water all the time over the years for his hot temper, I don't think spending time with him would be my idea of fun, I would probably say something and make him mad and get my head bashed in with a baseball bat. One thing that doesn't make sense here is this:

"Canseco will provide roundtrip limousine service from the airport, but overnight accommodations and airfare aren't included. The highest bidder can bring along a guest who's younger than 18 at no extra cost."

Is this about money or what? If he can afford to provide limousine service, I can't understand how he could actually need money from this little stunt. And hey, I like the idea of bringing someone younger than 18 along with you. Hey, beat up my kid too, alright!!!

Let's Play Some 'Pong'!!

When you walk thru an electronics store such as Best Buy nowadays, you will find three main video game systems, Playstation II, Nintendo GameCube, and Microsoft XBox. Then there are the older games, the PSOne, Nintendo 64, Sega, etc. When I started college though, there was only one game system out that was really popular, the 16 bit Nintendo Entertainment System.

Our dorms didn't have cable television, the first year I was there was the first year they even had telephones in the rooms. Those who did bring in televisions with an indoor antennae got one good station, along with 2, sometimes 3 fuzzy stations. If you were really ritzy you had a VCR, about 75% of us did. But even then there were only so many tapes going around to watch. So usually people would end up buying a Nintendo in order to have some other form of entertainment. Because of this, you got to know a lot of people in the dorm, without cable television we would go around room to room and play video games, a LOT.

Because everyone had the same video gaming system, there was always an abundance of games going around. People would usually write their name on the back of the game cartridge in giant black permanent marker, but even that didn't stop the games from disappearing from time to time. Then usually at the end of the year, someone would bring your game back, "sorry, it was under my couch" or something like that, but sometimes you never saw it again.

The biggest game of all when I was in college had to be Super Tecmo Bowl. This was Nintendo's NFL football game, and it was a blast. In a college dorm, having this game meant instantly that your room was going to be party central. You would go around and ask everyone if they wanted to play in a season, and what team they wanted to be, then you would get the season started, the most I ever saw in a season was 16 different people playing. The seasons were set up 16 weeks long, and the games HAD to be played in order. So if it was 4 in the morning and time to play your game, you would either drag your ass out of bed and play, or they would skip you. Same goes for if you had class, the football game had precedence over school, it was much more important.

It was rare that a season of Tecmo would ever make it all the way till the end. First off, the Nintendo was problematic, tending to erase the season for no reason, and it didn't help when people would get pissed off and throw the controllers and such, causing the game to bounce around. Other times, people would just reset the season when no one was around with the hope of doing better next time. Usually only about 5 or 6 people were left entering the playoffs, most often everyone else would quit the season by the time the playoffs rolled around.

The playoffs, though, were a big deal. People would actually schedule times for their playoff games so that everyone could come watch. And wow would emotions run high, people cussing and screaming at one another, even at 3 in the morning, and some real nasty grudges would develop because of the game, one in fact that caused a guy to leave school for a semester (he says that wasn't the reason but nothing else made sense).

A couple of years later though, the other gamings systems sort of took over, and things were never quite the same. I mean, playing Twisted Metal II was awesome and all, but never did we have that bond of friendship with so many people like we did when we were playing Super Tecmo Bowl, or even Tetris and Dr. Mario. With more games and variety it became harder to be good at every game, I suppose that is good in the long run, but people didn't hang out together near as much. That could be because the dorms got cable television too.

Oh well, it was a lot of fun while it lasted, that is for sure, nothing could beat a 3 in the morning football game in your boxer shorts.