To Whom It May Concern

Why The F Are Simple Things So F'ing DiFFicult?

So, I bought this Lenovo laptop recently, it has been very nice, except for a couple of annoying things, the speakers aren't that great, but I can live with that, the most annoying aspect has been the ridiculously flakey touchpad. It will suddenly go into what can only be described as 'drunk mode', in which it stops going where my finger is going and jumps all over the page, sometimes not moving at all. No idea why it does that but this is why, generally, I tend to keep the mouse connected.

So, moving on...

I am typing along two days ago and the F key suddenly pops off. Ooookay, no biggie, I click it back into place, keep typing, when it flies off again. WHAT THE F, F KEY?

Okay, this happened on occasion with the Toshiba I used to have, but not until about 3 years into owning that one, a key failed here and there, I replaced it, no biggie. Except this has been what, 3 months? Should be covered under normal use in the warranty. So I go to Lenovo's website and get a phone number and call it.

"If you'd like to bla bla bla press 1, if you'd like to bla bla bla press 2... " on and on for like 18 different choices, I picked warranty, and got pushed into another automated query, picked another choice, then another automated message, this time telling me to go to a website. BLARGHHH!!!

Hang up, redial...

I hit zero immediately, boom, I'm talking to someone in a sweat shop in Asia. I hang up.

Try again, this time I pick sales, because I know damn good and well that companies are not stupid, they always have real good old Americans doing their sales, unless they are stupid in which case they also outsource their sales to some warehouse in Asia too.

Sure enough, boom, I'm talking to an American. I start explaining, tell him I don't want to talk to someone in Pakistan, he says "Sure, I'll get you to the right person" and boom I'm listening to the automated message telling me about the website.

BLEEPITY BLEEPITY F BOMB G D F BOMB!!!

Call back again... I pick parts for Thinkpads, and I end up speaking to someone with a heavy Indian accent yet again. *@#(*$@, oh well, let's give it a shot. 30 minutes later, we've finally done 30 seconds worth meaningful conversation, and I find out that, per the Lenovo warranty, they will not send out a keyboard unless I send my keyboard in to them first. WTF??? I don't need a god damn keyboard, I need ONE KEY. Plus the keyboard will likely be refurbished, not new. My keyboard is like 3 months old, so basically it IS new.

"Ve'll solly sor, ve can nut just send vu vun key, ve must send vu da keyvoard"

Now, I can replace the keyboard myself if I so desire instead of sending it in, but they put what basically amounts to a lean on my credit card until I send MY keyboard back into them upon replacement, unless of course I send my entire laptop in per the warranty instructions, which could take 6 to 8 weeks. Yah, like that is going to happen. Neither is acceptable to me. I will not give them my credit card number, nor will I go without my laptop for 2 months. At this point he is just reading verbetim from the screen so he gets hung up on.

SERIOUSLY? ALL I WANT IS AN F'ING F KEY!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

So I call back, this time I want to talk to a manager immediately. I am put on hold, guy who answered comes back, manager not available but he has CHRIS on the line. The guy who answered was helpful, Chris on the other hand sounded like he had 100 better things to do than his job. So they talk back and forth, bla bla bla, what if he wants to do this, bla bla bla, so on... I finally put them on speaker phone, and then they finally settle on some website where they say I can find a local service center, again Chris sounds like he's been smoking weed all day, and I can hardly hear him, finally I tell both of them I found the website and I hang up on them.

So, the premise here is that I can have the local service center order the keyboard, I just stop by, they take my F key and replace it with the other F key. Viola, simple, easy, right?

Wrong, call the service center here in Omaha, they take forever to answer, I get put on hold, they finally come back and take my info, they say the same thing, no guarantee that I'll get a keyboard that isn't 'refurbished', then they say they have to research it and they'll call me back. They do call back 40 minutes later, and oh what good news they have... *insert sarcasm here* "Sir, per the terms of your warranty, all service must be done on this model on a mail in basis only, we're sorry!"

WTFGD@*(#(#*$(*@#$(&@(Y(YW*GQWEUBPWUIOGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

IT IS ONE KEY, IT IS THE F KEY!! ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME?????

So, "F" it, I went to ebay and I bought a complete keyboard online for $19, shipped from, where else?? ASIA. Hong Kong to be specific. No shipping charges it says, but I'm sure I've likely been fleeced of $19, despite his superb trader rating. We shall see.

Seriously though, ALL I WANT IS THE F KEY. WHY do things have to be this difficult!!??? Even car dealerships aren't this stupid. This would be the equivalent of replacing the entire motor because the spark plug needs replacement.

So, anyone got an F key for me? Because I can tell you this much, Lenovo and their warranty can certainly go _uck themselves.