A Great Job Interview

There are certain key points to making a job interview into a great performance, here are some of them:

Wear the absolute dirtiest clothes you have, preferably ratty, with hole everywhere. Nothing impresses an interviewer more than someone who wears an outfit with no professional value at all. This will let them know that material things aren't important to you.

Show up at least an hour late for your interview, perhaps even a day late. This lets the interviewer know who is in charge, that you aren't going to submit to anyone else's wishes. It shows you are a 'take charge' type of person, companies like that these days.

Have several beers and some hard liquor before the interview. It will help take the edge off. The more alcohol the better. If you need to, take a bottle of liquor into the interview with you. Bring whiskey, and don't be afraid to share. Usually the interviewer will enjoy a drink with you, hey, he's stressed too you know.

Negotiate a hard bargain about absolutely every aspect of the job. Lunch is an hour long? "Come on, how about an hour and a half?" Salary only $70,000 a year? "You know I'm worth twice that, buddy!!" Let them know that you have negotiating skills, companies are looking for that in prospective employees.

Bring several friends to the interview. Have one carry a video camera, always pointed at the interviewer. Have another carry a cassette recorder, and another a briefcase. Tell them you are on an MTV reality show. Companies love publicity, especially from a quality network like MTV.

Tell the interviewer a list of amazing medical conditions from which you suffer. You are narcoleptic with tourette's syndrome, so while driving you suddenly fall asleep AND start yelling obscenities "HORSE PENIS HORSE PENIS, DICK LICKARENA!!!!". You have a narcissistic rage condition. You think highly of yourself, angrily. "GOD DAMN YOU ALL I AM SEXY, LOOK AT ME, YOU SONS OF BITCHES I AM THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME!!!" as you beat up your co workers. Remember, companies look to hire those with disabilities, it makes the company look better to the public.

Ask suspicious questions continually, throughout the interview. "So, can a person bring a gerbil to work with them, I mean, as long as it's hidden?" or "When you have drug tests, just how long does it takes something minor to get out of your system, like... let's say for instance... LSD or heroin?" or "I wouldn't run into any cops or law enforcement people while working here would I?" This keeps the interviewer guessing about you, it's good to be mysterious, the unknown is a little tapped resource in job hunting.

Make up completely ridiculous stories about previous work places. Talk about how you had sex with the bosses spouse, and about how much money you stole from petty cash. Spin a good yarn about how one time, you "borrowed" the company vehicle over the weekend and drove it to Tijuana, Mexico with 4 buddies and got completely drunk and lost the vehicle, then had to hitchhike back into the United States on a Tequiza beer delivery truck. Employers like to know that the person they are hiring can bring excitement to the work place.

One final key to a successful interview. Just as soon as it is over, shake the interviewer's hand, then run as fast as you can outside, jump into your car, and lay rubber thru the parking lot as you leave, cutting off any other driver who might get in your way. This lets the company know that you have other places to be, and also that you aren't afraid to do what it takes to show up to work on time. This is especially good when trying to get a job as a delivery driver.

Hopefully, you can have a successful interview with the points I have provided you with today.

Saving Private Ryan, A Must See

I remember when the movie, Saving Private Ryan, first came out. There was a lot of buzz about how graphic the movie was, the realism and all. Steven Spielberg directed the movie, so of course, unsuspecting parents took their children to the movie expecting a light hearted 'E.T.' sort of feature, and instead were greeted with the most intensely grisly images of hellish war footage ever remade. And of course, then the complaints started rolling in, about how 'terrible' and 'overly violent in nature' the movie was. Some people even boycotted theaters showing the movie, due to it's intense depiction of war injuries.

Thankfully, World War II veterans spoke up in large numbers about the film, backing what the movie depicted. Many of them that spoke up talked about how we as a nation seem to have forgotten just how much was given in terms of suffering, tragedy, and human life, to bring about this great nation that we have today, and how a film like this can remind us how fragile freedom really is, and how much blood was sacrificed to make this country great. Perhaps instead of gasping at the idea that your children might see some bloodshed, perhaps you should rejoice in the fact that they will have a better idea of just how terrible a price is price is paid to insure the freedom for the people of our country to do whatever they want, even if that freedom involves protesting what the government is doing.

I watched the television today, the images from Baghdad, the jubilant Iraqi people who have been oppressed for so long, and it was a wonderful sight. I can only hope that in time, the same democratic representation and freedoms that we have come to take for granted, can work into place in Iraq, not just for their sake, but for the sake of that region, and for the world.

Lifetime, Television For Disgruntled Man Hating Women

On the cable network where I live, as you click up the channels, you find TBS, then TNT, then Lifetime, then ESPN, then ESPN2. I wonder, is this some sort of cruel joke? Put the Lifetime channel between two networks that play tons of action movies and the sports news channels? So as I click back and forth from NBA slam dunks and Bruce Willis shooting up terrorists, I get to see Meredith Baxter (formerly the mother from family ties) screaming obscenities at a man who killed her son in a drunk driving accident.

Just for shits and giggles, I went and looked at the titles for some of Lifetime's movies, here is a list and a brief description of a bunch:

A DANGEROUS AFFAIR

"After breaking off a rather torrid affair with a man, a government executive must go on the run when the man begins stalking her."
Oh NOOO, the evil man, he is after her, run run run!! EVIL!!!

A DEADLY SILENCE

"A teenage girl is trapped in an incestuous relationship with her father. Driven by the fear that he might molest her younger sister, she hires a schoolmate to kill him."
KILL HIM, and if you can't, hire someone else to kill the evil man!!! THEN RUN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! This one had sally struthers in it, i guess she had some time away from getting food for starving kids or something.

A KISS SO DEADLY

"A bizarre love triangle develops when a father becomes infatuated with his daughter's flirtatious roommate. Eventually, he is forced to break off the affair, but his infatuation turns deadly when he begins to stalk her." EVIL STALKING BASTARD!!! MEN, what are they thinking these days???

A LOSS OF INNOCENCE

"A battered wife and mother attempts to escape from an irrational and violent husband. His homicidal rage intensifies, and he holds her hostage."
BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!! MEN: hellspawned from satan!!!

A MOTHER'S JUSTICE

"A mother embarks on a quest for vengeance when police are unable to find enough evidence to convict her daughter's rapist."
Another Meredith Baxter movie, modern day champion fighting evil men everywhere!!!

A MOTHER'S REVENGE

"After her daughter is raped and physically abused by a school janitor, a mother's quest for justice culminates in a courtroom shoot-out. But the rapist is freed on a legal technicality, prompting the mother to take matters into her own hands. Unfortunately, her vigilantism leads to another trial in which she faces murder charges."
You can pretty much surmise that if the title has the word "mother" in it, there is bound to be justice sought against some evil man somewhere.

A MOTHER'S RIGHT: THE ELIZABETH MORGAN STORY

"A woman is jailed for refusing to reveal the location of her daughter, the daughter was molested by her ex-husband."
EVIL SELF SERVING BASTARD MEN!!! WHY, WHY??? DEAR GOD WHY???



ABANDONED AND DECEIVED

"A beleaguered Ohio woman struggles in court against her child's deadbeat dad. This true story has since affected current child support laws."
DEADBEAT SOB!! I do like the title though, you immediately know that some satanic hate mongrel man is involved!!!

ANGEL OF DEATH

"A psychotic escapes from prison to pursue a stunning woman and her 6 year old son. After charming his way into their lives, he becomes overprotective destroying anything or anyone that threatens to break this newfound family bliss." PSYCHOTIC FREAK MAN RUINS EVERYTHING!!! All men are psychotic though, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES... AGAIN!!!

ARMED AND INNOCENT

"Based on a true story. A boy shoots and kills two burglars in his home while his parents are away. Afterward, he is terrorized by the brother of one of the thieves."
TWO EVIL MEN DEAD, ONE EVIL REMAINS!! Only why didn't they make it a girl who kills two burglars? This is Lifetime television, what a huge glaring error, making a male look good? geesh!!!

I imagine a lot of people like Lifetime, and yes, I did skip over a few movies that were less man hating than the ones you see above, but something to think about, this list included only movies listed under the letter 'A', this means that there are a seemingly endless supply of man bashing male hating movies to choose from!!! Ah, Lifetime, could watching movies about horrible men be any more rewarding?

Guitar Rock Kills Infants!!!

As with any larger metropolitan city in the United States, Omaha has a large variety of radio stations to listen to. I listen to a lot of different kinds. I prefer guitar rock, from Led Zeppelin and Van Halen to Creed and Godsmack. I also listen to the top 40 stations, the 'lite 96' station that plays slow songs, and even the R&B stations from time to time.

Now, Saturday morning I was up very early and out in my car, and listening to the hard rock/alternative station in Omaha, when I hear this come on the radio:

Baby can be heard crying...

Man's voice, angry: "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP AND QUIT CRYING??? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO??? SHAKE IT OUT OF YOU???"

Woman's voice, caring, compassionate: "OH NO, you can't do that, give her to me, *you hear baby gurgling* there there..."

Then the commercial goes into talking about "Shaken Baby Syndrome", which is when a baby is shaken so hard that the brain smashes side to side, causing brain damage, paralysis, even death.

then, a really touching gesture, at the end, woman's voice: "There there now, everything will be okay now"

My first problem with this commercial is the completely blatant sexist tone that it takes, you are left with the idea that men are baby hating bastards, and that the woman has to rush in and protect the baby from the evil man. This is how the commercial should have been done:

Man's voice, annoyed: "Why won't she quit crying, this is so frustrating!!"

Woman's voice: "Honey, remember, she can't help it, she's just a baby"

Man's voice, more subdued and calm: "I know, you are right, I need to always remember that and have more patience with her"

Then go into the Shaken Baby Syndrome information and talk about ways of prevention. As you can see here, no one is made to look like the evil person. It's almost as though whoever made the first commercial went out of their way to completely alienate the man and make him look like some sort of raging moron.

The second problem I have with this commercial is the target audience. I listen to the light rock station, I listen to the top 40 station, and even the R&B station... at no time on any of them do I hear this commercial. But I turn on the classic rock and modern alternative rock stations, and I hear that commercial during about half the commercial breaks. What does this mean? Does this mean I put in my Guns N Roses CD, turn it up, and proceed to the nearest baby to shake the crap out of him/her? Seems to me that is what they are trying to imply. I'm driving down the road, listening to Linkin Park, and I spot a woman pushing her baby in a stroller, I hit the brakes so hard that the car SQUEEEEEAAAALLLLLLLLLLS to a stop, jump out, grab her baby, shake the baby as hard as I can, drop the baby on the ground, then jump back into my car and tear off again, listening to the radio as loud as it will go.

Now, although I listen to my radio very loudly sometimes, that is about the only truth you will find in what I just said. I wonder what particular research brought up that males who listen to hard rock music are more prone to shake babies, if there is some sort of undeniable link, someone should send me the information or provide me a link so I can read about it because it really sounds like a lot of bullarky to me. Just for an information purpose, in my hometown of 6,500 people, 2 babies died last year from being shaken, and women were charged in both the incidents. This doesn't mean women are more prone to doing it either, but to make this an issue based on the sex of the abuser is wrong and someone should have used a little foresight before making the commercial.

Army Fitness

The military has pretty stringent standards for physical fitness, and requires periodical "PT Tests" to maintain those standards. The Physical Fitness Test consists of the following:

Do as many pushups as you can in 2 minutes.

Do as many situps as you can in 2 minutes.

Run the 2 mile as quickly as you can.

Now, a lot of people read this and think to themselves "hey, that doesn't look that hard?" It's much harder than you think. The minimum standards for the pushup phase of the test is 42 in 2 minutes. It's 52 situps in 2 minutes. I'm not really sure what the minimum standards for the 2 mile are, I think something around 16 minutes but I really haven't ever been close to failing that.

When I first went to basic training in Ft. Benning, you were supposed to do 15 pushups at reception station to move on to your basic training platoon. I did 12. When I heard that the standards were 42 for minimum, I was completely lost, I thought I would never be able to do that. One of my drill sergeants took me in one day and gave me a daily plan I needed to follow to better myself at my pushups. He told me I needed to be in the "front lean and rest position" (the push up position) for ten minutes on any night we spent in the barracks, and that every minute I had to do 10 pushups. I did that, and was able to finally pass on the final pt test, the one that gets graded, I did 52 pushups. I was so happy.

My situps were great, I was able to do the 'max' amount, 92 situps, in 2 minutes, the entire time I was at basic training. My run on the other hand got slower and slower the entire three months I spent at basic training. I started out running an 11:30 and I finished with an 11:47, not too much off of my first run but enough to annoy me, I got worse instead of better. That was normal though, faster guys wouldn't have a way of really training the run at their own pace, we almost always ran in formation and that didn't help me train. When I got back to Nebraska for my senior year of high school I was in really good physical shape overall but my running needed work, and cross country had already started, so I had to run in the junior varsity race like 3 days after I got back in order to earn my varsity spot back on the team, because I had missed try outs. I finished 2nd in the JV race, to another kid who would normally be running varsity for his team but he had to earn a spot too. He and I finished so far ahead of the rest of the JV runners, it was crazy, but anyways, back to military stuff.

I had my senior year to go thru in high school when I got back, and during that year I did a lot of weight lifting over the winter and conditioned my upper body up thru pushups and situps. So I really worked hard on the pushups and was able to max them at the first pt test I took after basics. I've been in thirteen years now and I've maxed the pt test every year since I've been in since basic training. Oddly enough, as time has gone by, pushups are easier and the situps have gotten harder. I guess that's just age affecting me.

I'm the Physical Training NCO in the Wayne army guard unit. This means I'm responsible for keeping the soldiers motivated about remaining physically fit, and also for coming up with programs designed to help those who are having difficulties achieving minimum standards on the pt test. Our unit is supposed to do two pt tests a year, one diagnostic, to see where we are at, and one for record, that actually gets put into our permanent records. We are also supposed to give 3 months warning before a pt test and try to have it roughly the same months year after year. Lately this seems to be getting really lax and that's bad news. Now, we are supposed to always be able to pass a pt test, but it's nice to have warning before hand so that you can work out a little more and get a higher score.

Right now I'm at about 195 lbs, I need to lose 15 lbs and get down to 180 by the next drill for that PT Test, and hopefully this summer lose between 5 and 10 more and get ready for a couple of military competitions, the first being the Nebraska Army National Guard Fitness Challenge in Ashland Nebraska, and the second being the German Armed Forces Fitness Exchange Tournament, in Camp Dodge, Iowa. I want to do 100 pushups in two minutes, 100 situps in two minutes, and the two mile in 10:30. This will take a lot of work over the next few months, that much I know.

I enjoy running though, and that is always a plus. Hey, I'm only young once, I need to try to do these things now when I still can. Most of the people my age are already well beyond the ability to get back into shape enough to try something like this, I don't want to end up that way.