Just To Address A Few Things, And ‘See You Later’

Tonite is the last night I’ll spend stateside for at least 8 months (if my leave falls when I’d like it to, July of next year). I don’t know if it’s completely hit me yet the magnitude of what is about to happen. Upon touching down, ‘boots in the sand’ sometime in the next couple of days, we will start in on 365 days, one whole year, serving our country in a hostile environment. This is following a two and a half month training period preparing for the task at hand, during which time we received accolades from our ASG unit that was preparing us and from full timers alike, as to our professionalism and motivation, that we were without a doubt the best National Guard or reserve unit they have seen, and that we perform right at the level of if not higher than regular army transportation units.

This is really no surprise to the NCO’s in our unit, the vast majority of us were trained as a primary MOS as 11B infantry at Ft. Benning, the premiere army training school, and spent many years training together doing combat tactics and related techniques. We beat up on regular army airborne units at NTC Ft. Irwin and regular infantry troops at JRTC in Arkansas.

So, anyone who has ever said “you wouldn’t understand” or “you are just national guard” can fuck yourselves. Here we go, right into the thick of it all, the second most dangerous job ONLY to infantry itself. We are your schoolteachers, your policemen, your farmers, your mechanics, etc. We all took time our of our real lives to serve our country, and we are God damn good at what we do. Also, you won’t see me coming back alienating my former friends, turning what I once found endearing about them into a flurry of insults in an attempt to lash out and hurt anyone.

I won’t use drugs or alcohol, not because of any fucking religious belief, but because it’s a pathetic crutch people use to get by, LOSERS, like some people who used to talk about how terrible drugs are and then use weed and justify it thru an ignorant pattern of self indulging denial. I pray that not one person in my unit is injured or killed, but in the unfortunate event that something like that happens, you won’t find me using that as a shield, an immature excuse to become a childish, pitiful jackass who judges everyone but myself, critical of others but failing to see my own inadequacies. No, that is NOT going to be me.

What I will do is be open to my friends, my family, about my experiences, I will remain the same caring person that I’ve always been, I won’t turn my back on those I care about, bash them, or treat them with a particularly vehement disrespect in order to make up for own low self esteem. Why do I say all this? Because I’ve seen it, and I don’t like it, it’s REALLY pathetic to project blame. Have I made mistakes, yes, I most certainly have, but I move past, I let go. Let’s just hope that everyone can learn to do the same. Even those who completely disrespected me, if I had ever cared about them, I still do, I’m not so shallow as to turncoat that way.

With that said, in one year, I’ll have the car I’ve wanted for a couple of years now, and hopefully, belly won’t be deployed when I get back, but that’s always a possibility, and if that happens, then so be it. We will deal with those changes should they arise. We signed up for this, it’s an obligation, there is no reason to bitch and whine about fulfilling something that I SIGNED my name to do. I plan to use this to better myself, to take this time to use my training and lead those troops below me, excellent troops, along with this unit that has been validated in 100% of every task that was put before us during our training, thru this mission. It will not be easy, that is for sure, but you can either be a pathetic crybaby about it, or you do your job and you come back in one piece and be a better person for it. That’s what we are going to do, for our loved ones, our state, our country, because I BELIEVE in what we stand for!!

So for now, I say goodbye to all that is familiar, and head into a place that, while having spent a lot of time learning about, will most certainly be a culture shock. But I’m excited, I love the heat, and I’ll have every opportunity to enjoy it there I’m sure. Oh, about the title, this isn’t so much a goodbye, but the See You Later, because I’ll be back!!

Current Lyrical Ramblings

I wanted to be like you, I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you, And I got swept away
I didn’t know that it was so cold
And you needed someone, To show you the way

All You Wanted – Michelle Branch

Time Is Drawing Close

Our unit is rapidly approaching our departure date, and interestingly enough, belly's graduation date looks to be very shortly following the date in which we hop on the big plane. This is unfortunate, for if things would have worked out, she was going to stop by here on her way from Omaha to Phoenix (to see her parents for a few days) then onwards to San Diego and Camp Pendleton.

It looks like we'll be under a two week 'communication blackout' once we leave Ft. Riley. As I understand it, this isn't even because of security measures (although that's a little part of it), but there just aren't phones or other ways to communicate with your loves ones from the first place we go to.

We've done a lot this past couple of months, so much training, gotten a lot of new gear that will help us complete our mission (or cause me to collapse from even trying to carry it on the airplane) and we've bonded together fairly well (there are still a few rough spots but they seem to be working out.

The last 3 or 4 days have been rough, with a series of nasty surprises, financial, housing, etc. I was able to work through all of them, stressed but plugging away non the less because time is short, but on this last one I think we are simply shit out of luck. The Marines aren't going to let belly have married housing, not just NO upper NCO housing that recognizes my rank, but NO married housing at all. Either she has to live in the barracks or she has to find an apartment. Long story, but basically the Marines have rules that state if the couple are both in the active military and one is not stationed at Pendleton, they can't allow the spouse to live in married housing. I'm not really sure I understood why this is, but it's something to do with my not being there, and oddly enough, if I were not in the military it would not be a problem at all *GRRRR*

I called out to Pendleton to see what the story is, and I'm still not completely sure I understand it. So now belly is stuck finding an apartment completely on her own. I don't like this, but there isn't anything I can do now. It's incredibly frustrating to be unable to help out more. I just don't want her to be stuck in some craphole of an apartment in a really bad area of town. I imagine when I get back we will move on post and get housing there to save money and also have more living space.

Today we have our final financial, medical, and legal checks, and the next couple of days before we leave are pretty much locked down, including the last day we are here, where we are completely locked down in the barracks. Internet service ends on Thursday night, after that it's going to be awfully damn boring around here. I'll still have the cell phone though, so that will be okay.

I know that belly will do fine without me, but I also know there are probably a few things I have forgotten to set up so they will be taken care of while I'm gone. She's going to be responsible for getting all of the little necessities set up in the apartment/condo (whichever it may be) once she gets to San Diego sometime in the middle of November.

She's been on her own before so I know she'll do just fine. I just hope she gets in with a good group of people to work with and gets a decent placement within her air wing, if that's what it's called? Not sure heh, but I have a lot of time to find out more about the Marines once I get back. Still doesn't help though that I'm not there now to experience it with her, it's like I'm missing out on 1 year of our life together because she was unable to be with me, and now I'm about to miss out on another year of our life because I am unable to be with her : (

This is the choice we made though, so we are dealing with it. I know in the long run that we will become stronger for it, and look back on these days as part of what made the foundation of our marriage even more fortified.

Current Lyrical Ramblings

There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind

For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield