To Whom It May Concern

Modern Torture Device

I would like to meet the man who invented the three piece suit, and kick him right in the balls. That's right, wind up, and just drive my foot right up into his family jewels, to let him know how much I do NOT appreciate the idea of wearing such a ridiculously uncomfortable getup. It certainly wasn't on the basis of comfort that someone decided to get up one morning, put on a starched white shirt with 12 buttons on it, including one that tightens right around the neck, toss on some tweed pants with a belt, hot dark colored leather shoes that, regardless of what anyone says, are NEVER as comfortable as athletic shoes.

Then a tie, the worst part of all, it is tight, restricting, it blows all over in the wind, drops in water in the drinking fountain, and gets into everything you eat, too. And putting the tie on is the worst of all, adjusting it and reputting it on again till finally the ends match and the little end in back isn't longer than the one up front. On top of that is the jacket, anothe 3 buttons to do and a lovely heavy hot, even more constricting final touch to the whole suit process. Then of course there are the lovely accessories to the suit, the big heavy briefcase, the heavy metal watch, cufflinks, etc.

The business suit makes me question the very sanity of which we, humans, have evolved as a race. Let's be quite truthful about this now. If humans were truly the most intelligent animals on the planet, then why in the hell are we even wearing these stupid outfits to work??? We should be wearing sweat pants and t-shirts, running shoes, and perhaps a light jacket when it's chilly in the office. But no, we insist on punishing ourselves with these ridiculous clown suits and pretending there it is normal to be this uncomfortable at work.

And yah, I'm sure some of you are saying "oh, I am very comfortable in my suit at work." Well why don't you lounge in your suit, or go work out in a three piece, or sleep in your suit? Because it's not THAT comfortable, now is it? Or perhaps it is because of the price of the outfit, another reason why suits are really stupid. If the world were truly perfect, you could go to work in a pair of comfy cotton shorts and a nice t-shirt, but the world requires us to show respect to some unknown God Of Torture by wearing the business suit.

Hmm, I wonder if the real reason we wear suits is so we can stay awake at work? I suppose that might be it, wouldn't want someone so comfy that they would fall asleep at work, that's for sure.