Turning On The TV In My Mind

I'm about to discuss something that has been going on lately that is likely to surprise a few people, belly included. I've read about a dozen books since I got to Iraq, about 8 to 10 in the last month since I began doing convoys. I've dabbled in Tom Clancy of course, read a little Clive Cussler, been enthralled by Michael Chrichton, and freaked out reading Dean Koontz.

During a 3 or 4 day period last week I was burning thru about a book every 24 hours, and I realized that I read stuff too fast haha. But seriously, I just picked up a dozen more books in a box when we were staying at Rasputan or Rumpleforeskin or whatever this base we went to was called, the name hurt my head trying to even remember it.

In time I'm going to do a few reviews of the books I've read thus far.

Little Bits Of Rambling

So, I chewed the other day, YES, that is right, I stuck in a dip of Skoal wintergreen and enjoyed a juicy little disgusting high. I believe this is the first time I’ve chewed this century!! I used to do it about once every six months as a junior and senior in college. It was disgusting then, it was disgusting now.

ASS body spray is absofuckinglutely disgusting. “No fraNk, it’s AXE body spray” no no I’m sorry, I am defining it by what it smells like. It curls my nose hairs, makes my eyes water, causes me to throw up a little in my throat, ‘it smells like bigfoot’s dick!!!’. I would sooner smell cheap old high school kid Stetson all day than that shit, yet so many guys buy ASS, must be the good marketing campaign. Well, I have yet to see any models jumping on any guys here in Iraq, but if it happens I’ll let you know.

I bought a bag. You know, I’m not even sure if I needed it, but I was at the PX, and I have been using my Gore Tex coat pockets as a bag, and it hasn’t been working out. Oh I started with my sunglasses and my gloves, but then it expanded to two pair of gloves (work and cold), my MP3 player, my digital camera, a couple of books to read, and after awhile I couldn’t even wear the coat without looking like I had just stolen something. So, $22 later I have a decent black bag. I could have gone no frills for $10 but hey, I thought I might use that outside mesh end pocket someday for something, along with the other 724 pockets this thing has.

I was thinking about Need For Speed Hot Pursuit for Playstation II (I think this was NFS III, or maybe IV, who knows, there have been so many in that line of games now), and I realized something funny. When the police chase you, they like to get on the car’s loudspeaker and yell things, like “PULL OVER NOW” and “YOU ARE RISKING YOUR LIFE!!” And other little gems like “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???” and “THIS IS FEDERAL PROPERTY” (you get that one if you smash into the cop car). Why do I bring all this up? Well, because another thing they yell into the loudspeaker is “AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” when they wreck, which is really funny, because I don’t think a cop is going to hit something, spin out of control in a horrible wreck, and reach for the P.A. microphone to yell out a death throe.

I have become a Frosted Blueberry Poptart and Otis Spunkmeyer muffin addict. They only have two flavors of Poptarts at the chow hall, that one and unfrosted strawberry. I need that frosting, so I go for the blueberry. The Otis Spunkmeyer muffins have 4 flavors, I rank them as follows:

1) Chocolate – 5 stars
2) Apple Cinnamon – 4.5 stars
3) Blueberry – 4.5 stars
4) Banana Nut – 4 stars

I have 4 chocolate muffins and 6 (2) packs of blueberry frosted poptarts in my fridge now. They are awesome snacks for the convoys we go on, toss them under the middle console and whenever you need them just grab one, and hope your bastard co driver didn’t steal them when you weren’t looking!! : ) The chow halls have so much food, I hope none of you worry about my starving, because I worry about getting too damn fat!!!

I realized yesterday that I have had the same cologne now for 10 years. Escape by Calvin Klein, which is a great cologne, don’t get me wrong, but I’m in danger of becoming my uncle, who still uses the goofy Avon cologne that comes in odd glass containers shaped like a car or golf clubs, trapped in the early 1970’s. I’m going to have to remedy this by purchasing a new cologne when I get home, I’m sure belly will have input on what I buy. Another cologne I used to have, in fact my first real designer cologne, was Safari, but I don’t know if they even make that anymore.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, the military over here can get so much stuff, sometimes it just seems crazy. Under Armour (no, I’m not going to burn in a horrible flaming accident, so please don’t worry about that, I rarely ever wear the shit, I favor my old 75/25 cotton poly blend triple Xlarge sweater that I got 10 or more years ago under my uniform), gore tex boots, etc. The latest gear is a Gerber multi-tool and a Bench Made knife, both of which will be sitting in my make shift tool box, never used due to my amazing Leatherman that I have had for more than 10 years now. Hmm, looks like my 10 year old sweater and leatherman blow the doors off all the new shit : ) Oh well, at least I have backup new fangled gear if my old shit should ever fail.

Today marked my 16th anniversary of being in the military. I took a moment to ponder that earlier today in a letter to my father. I hated it, I mean HATED it, when I first joined, how odd it is that I’m closing in on my 20 years. I can’t imagine how awful this deployment would have been as an E-1 to an E-3, thank God for my rank heh heh. For a variety of reasons, starting with shit jobs I don’t have to do, and ending with the money I’m making of course.

I saw that belly did a paper on same sex marriages. I know I’d probably fail that paper because I would guess our views are different haha. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, that marriage by definition is between a man and a woman, because it involves the whole aspect, the natural union with the possibility of childbirth, something that is utterly impossible for obvious reasons between homosexuals. HOWEVER, I do not have a problem with civil unions. This is coming from someone who had a ‘kill them all’ sort of attitude in high school about gays, but after making some friends while doing telemarketing, I realized that they are good people, even if I don’t completely agree with their lifestyle, I shouldn’t sit in judgment of them.

I miss belly, a lot. We’ve never been away from one another this long. There was probably only one time since 1995 when we went this long without talking (even though the first 2 years or so was probably me just being a totally insane person she saw, galavanting around on a chat line like an insane kid with attention deficit disorder). That one time would have been 1997 when I didn’t have internet access *GASP* (I know, OH THE HORROR). I have dreams of being back in Omaha sometimes, just doing the normal routine, and I wake up smiling, then aching because it’s been more than a year since we had any sort of routine going. But I also know the experiences we are having now are amazing, and most people will never get to go thru what we are doing. I could look at it in an angry sense and really make myself miserable during my time here, or I can accept this, look at the whole situation as though I’m on an extended vacation, albeit with strings attached of course heh heh. I imagine that someday, we’ll sit around and tell our grandkids stories about ‘the days we were in the military’, just like grandparents do now. I believe the military builds character and perseverance, and many other good traits. I know one thing, the distance certainly makes the heart grow fonder. Baby I do miss you. I love you.

Current Lyrical Ramblings

Somebody come and play
Somebody come and play today
Somebody come and smile the smiles
And sing the songs, it won't take long
Somebody come and play today

An old Sesame Street jingle from when I was a tiny person

Terrible Bath Towel!!

So, here we are again, in our second home in Iraq, whose name happens to be a synonyn with serpent, snake, python, well, you get the picture. We have honestly spent more time here than we have in Tallil since the beginning of the year. We got in just before the end of the first quarter, I think maybe around 3 in the morning. So a few of us headed over to the transient housing tv room and watched the game on the big screen television with about 20 other soldiers who were already present.

Anyways, there are a couple of Steeler fans in there and one of them happens to have this yellow towel he is waving around and hooting and hollering, which made me kind of chuckle. SPC Jansen started cheering for Seattle, not because he's a Seattle fan, but because Jansen seems to enjoy riling people up, just to be funny. And to be honest, it was quite funny watching him bitching and moaning, trying to be so serious, while Mr Terrible Towel yacked it up with him about seemingly every play, much to the faux mournful disposition of one SPC Jansen.

Of course I joined in with my usual assortment of odd comments and insanity. All of our guys laughed when I asked aloud about the possibility of purchasing a Terrible Bath Towel. Unfortunately Mr Terrible Towel didn't seem to get my humor he just turned with this questioning look on his face, but his buddy laughed, so at least I know I still have some ability to move the masses thru my outlandish behavior.

I am quite ashamed, as the self admitted rabied football fan that I am, to admit that I was unable to stay awake for the game and I had to go to bed. Of course, I can imagine belly is cackling about that one, knowing how I normally walk thru fire and eat broken glass just to watch a good football game. Not sure how good this one was, as I said before, our fake Seahawk's fan had a ball pretending to NOT enjoy the game, and he had ample opportunity to act out his frustration. All in all, it was pretty funny, something to giggle away about as I slipped off into oblivious sleep and dreams of San Diego and snuggling away with my girl.

Current Lyrical Ramblings

Midnight the moons up, hands around your tin cup
The frost settles in on the sage
The night gettin' colder, well man you're gettin' older
Tonight you're feeling your age

Ridin' For A Fall - Chris Ledoux