To Whom It May Concern

Happy March 1st of 2006 Everyone!!!

Well well, here I am, and it’s now March, which means I’ve now resided in the armpit of the earth for 4 months. Now I know, some would call this the asshole of the world, but to be honest, THAT is northern Iraq. Of course I’m in northern Iraq from time to time, just like western Iraq, eastern Iraq, Kuwait, and Somalia, but that’s just how it is with this crack combat transportation unit. (Okay, I added Somalia in for a little flavor, that is just not true, we haven’t been there… YET!!). Anyways, that is basically 1/3 of the time we are going to be here, PARTY TIME, BREAK OUT THE N/A BEERS!!

So, in other news, I’ve had a bump on my back for about 2 years or so, maybe a little longer, it was nothing bad, for the longest time it was hardly even noticeable. Then when belly got back from boot camp, she said she thought it had gotten bigger. So I had a civilian doctor check it out… “Oh that’s no big deal, it’s just a fatty deposit” so I didn’t think much of it. Yah, well, it seemed to get a little bigger over here, about the size of the end of my index finger or so, right up in the middle of my back a little to the right side just at the end of the shoulder muscle.

About 3 weeks ago it got inflamed on a trip down to Arifjan in Kuwait, and so I spend a few days hoping it would get better. Well, it didn’t, it got worse, and I found myself annoyed even trying to wear the body armor while bouncing around in my trusty 915 semi truck as it headed down the road at a blazing 45 mph.

Went in to see the doctor, and he took me in back to the ER and they did a procedure to remove it. Now, I thought it was just going to be no big deal, and I guess for some it probably isn’t much of a big deal, but they carved the entire bump out of my back. It was some sort of cyst, non cancerous thankfully. Now I have to have it packed every day for 2 weeks with a full recovery in 3 weeks. They offered me Percocet but I didn’t take it, I hate the big pain killers like that stuff, codeine, etc, they seem to fuck me up pretty bad.

Thankfully, I was scheduled to start working the night shift at the operations center for the unit anyway as the NCOIC for that shift, so my two week profile away from the convoys (because I can’t wear my ballistic armor or really ride in a truck with my back like it is) won’t affect me too much. The most irritating thing right now is the damn tape they use to seal the wound makes my skin just crawl like crazy, it irritates the shit out of the skin around the wound itself, they’ve tried like 3 different kinds of tape but nothing seems to keep it from getting itchy and red : ( I don’t much like it, keeps me from working out or doing much of anything that requires labor. Oh well, 3 weeks, I can deal with that. Especially considering what my baby went thru for her hip.

Oh, and a little shout out to Arifjan, post or base or whatever you are you pathetic shithole, and to the ignorant jackass lieutenant who stopped me as I went into the chow hall and give me the following run around:

(I walk into the chow hall for evening chow right as we get done unloading our trucks)

SPC Dipshit: “Excuse me Sergeant, you can’t come in here with that mud on your pants.”

(I look down, yes, I do have a streak of mud along the button up pocket.)

ME: “There really isn’t much I can do about that, we aren’t from Arifjan, we are from up north in Iraq, we convoy down and we don’t bring a lot of clothing with us”

SPC Dipshit: “Well, we don’t allow people in the chow hall with soiled clothing.”

At this point someone else walks up and puts in his unwanted two cents worth:

2LT Ignorant Fuck: “Excuse me, did you not read the rules on the door on your way in?”(this was done in the best arrogant attitude this piece of shit could muster up)

ME: “Yes sir, I understand the rules, but we aren’t from Arifjan…”

2LT Ignorant Fuck: (interrupting me) “…Yes, you are from up north, I understand that, I know up north you probably don’t follow the rules like you should, but this is an actual base, and because we are a real base we have rules that you must follow.”

ME: *FUMING: thinking many things that I want to say, such as:
You stupid fuck, do you honestly think people up north give a shit about whether or not they have dirt on their pants when they go to the chow hall? Do you really have the audacity, the supercilious egotistical attitude to preach to me about your stupid rules, and the ignorance to try to apply your rules to what is going on up north in an ACTUAL combat zone??? WE ARE A LITTLE MORE WORRIED ABOUT GETTING FUCKING KILLED UP THERE THAN TO WORRY ABOUT A LITTLE BIT OF DIRT YOU DOUCHEBAG BUTTER BAR!! *another part of me wanted to tell him that all my other uniforms were soaked with blood, but the non sarcastic, respectful part of me won over in the end:

“ I understand sir, I didn’t realize my clothing was this dirty”

During that entire time I was out in front of the chow hall brushing away my uniform while 2LT Ignorant Fuck lectured me on the finer points of anything I didn’t give a shit about.

You NEVER get attacked in Kuwait, it just doesn’t happen. That’s why when you see a t-shirt in the PX that says “Combat Proven: Arifjan, Kuwait” and you are from up north, you are required by the unwritten code of brothers in TRUE arms to laugh hysterically, at the very foolishness of thinking of Arifjan as a combat zone. I wanted to tell that lieutenant to shove this t-shirt right up his actual baseass, but I held my tongue till now haha.

Anyways, that’s been my last couple of weeks. Good hearty fun, low in cholesterol, high in sarcasm.

Current Lyrical Ramblings

Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know the many ways I've tried
And still they lead me back to the long and winding road
You left me standing here a long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to you door

The Long And Winding Road – The Beatles