“What about the last five years man?” I’ll get to that in future posts, maybe try a year by year basis for posting, we’ll see. For now, I think it would be prudent to address this in as delicate a fashion as I can, mostly because a lot of online friends I’ve had over the years ask the same questions within a short period of time if I haven’t talked to them in quite a while…
"You aren't married???" No. I am single. I have been so for 4 years (really 7+ years if I’m being realistic). I really don’t want to dig into the entire situation. Ending things was not my idea, and more to the point, I was blind sided when it happened in 2011. I did not really discuss it online because at the time it did not seem appropriate. I imagine I could blame it on “the other guy”, or how easy Facebook makes it to contact someone you shouldn’t, but those are only symptoms of a bigger issue: Never get with someone with the idea that you can somehow save them or make them happy. The reality is that an unhappy person who does not address their own problems WILL find a way to make their own misery your fault, and make you miserable in the process of doing so.
"Do you guys still talk?" No, we don’t really talk now. Well, aside from the obvious, having two children together requires a certain amount of communication, but it is generally kept to texting, emails, and Google Calendar. No, I am not bitter, in fact, very much the opposite. I’m doing and feeling better than I’ve been since 2002. I would honestly say thank you… you can align yourself with those who are anchors or sails in your life, and I didn’t realize just how stuck I was. When you end up with someone who actually appreciates you as a person, and genuinely loves you and supports you, it is relatively easy to look back and see how one sided your previous relationship had been. And when you look at the track record another person has after your affiliation with them has ended, and it really just reaffirms how much better off you are without them. I am polite as I would be in a business agreement with someone I have to do business with, but that I would rather have nothing to do with. Make no mistake, if it weren't for the children, I would never communicate with her.
"What about the little ones?" I have primary custody of my two children, and they are the single most important aspect of my life. Everything I do revolves around ensuring they feel loved, safe, and receive a quality upbringing. Each summer we take a vacation now, about which I’ll be posting later.
“Regrets?” Only one. I owe but one apology, to one person who I treated very poorly, what seems like so many years ago. Although I somehow doubt things would have ended up working out between us, there are mature and sensible ways to find that out, that would have been far better than the flippant and foolish way I went about it. You showed me love, I reciprocated by stabbing you in the back. You deserved better, and thankfully it appears you ended up better. And although you may never see this, I am sorry. I spent a lot of time in 2011 apologizing to someone who did NOT deserve ANY apology, perhaps that was karma. In the end you were right, just as you were so long ago. I can't go back and change anything, nor would I. I have two amazing reminders that, in spite of how crummy things were, beauty can be wrought from any situation.
"You take no responsibility in how things ended up?" It may be easy to see things like this, but that's not the case. I take my responsibility for being one person in a normal marriage where two people have normal issues that nearly everyone in such a relationship deals with. I take ZERO responsibility for torpedoing that marriage over the course of two years and then walking out on your family. This may seem like a brutal take on this, but a long time ago I spent two years being a blubbering shell of a man, taking on fault, listening to bad counsel, and looking back, well, hindsight IS 20/20. Not my idea, not my pursuit, not my responsibility. The most brutal truth is this: No matter who she was with, she would have done this. End of story.
So, maybe answered your questions, maybe didn’t, but that’s all I have to say about it.
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